Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Saturday, August 11, 2012

501 BIG intuitive

I tried to eat intuitively last night and today, but I dunno----I still think I'm waaaaaaay overeating. Last night I went to SLC. I wasn't hungry but still was thinking of dinner. I decided to wait, and in the end skipped it altogether. No problem I think--I'd eaten a plenty big lunch (non-intuitive, I wasn't hungry). I think my hunger signals are a little off. I wasn't hungry for breakfast particularly, but I could feel that I was empty and I wanted something even though I didn't feel hungry in the sense that I recognize it, so I ate the apple and granola bar that I brought. I little later I ate the 100 cal cheese nips. I had gotten up early to work and I WAS hungry at 10:30. Early for lunch, but I could tell I was hungry and my energy was flagging. I went to crown burger and ordered the single souvlaki dinner--something I've never ordered before because the idea of just one skewer of meat always seemed too tiny to fill me up. Actually, it came with a pita, AND fries AND salad. It was plenty. As it turned out I didn't go to the cheesecake factory for dinner after all. I was just too tired and grungy. I got a slice of white chocolate macadamia nut carmel cheesecake, which is every bit as delicious as it sounds, and took it home. I must say I spent a lot of money on luxury food today. I got the cheesecake--then I got an order of boneless buffalo wings. I put this in the fridge and decided to do some stuff around the house before dinner. I mopped the floor, then went to Smiths where I also bought--a beef stick, fancy olives, a piece of English stilton cheese, a tube of orange rolls, a steak for tomorrow's dinner, some Doritos and milk. $30 for that! I don't know when I've paid so much and come home with so little. It was EXACTLY the dinner I wanted though. I wish I could say that it didn't take much to fill me up, but it did. Which is frustrating, because I didn't feel all that outwardly hungry for dinner. Still, I felt like my body needed some food besides the fact that I really was excited about all the delicious things I bought. I ate almost all the buffalo wings (which I happen to know are about 1000 cal all by themselves, many slices of beef stick with mustard, 2 big slices of sourdough bread with lots of I can't believe it's not butter, fresh grape tomatoes from the garden, watermelon and some of the Stilton, which is just a really rich blue cheese. For dessert I had most of the cheesecake. I'd like to say that I needed all that food because I was working all day packing up Mom's house, but the truth is that it wasn't very demanding physically--other than that I did do a lot of standing. I was very careful of my back and so mostly just moved slowly and put things in boxes which I left standing where they were. I never once broke a sweat. A couple of good things---I realized that I didn't want the olives or the Doritos with dinner today. Also, I realized that I was thinking far too much about where I was going to have dinner. So I kept reminding myself that I could just do what I felt like when I was ready, because today was not a special "blow out" occasion. I could eat at any restaurant at any time this week while Dave's gone, and after he comes back I can STILL eat anything or go anywhere--so relax already!

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