Interesting!!! Tomorrow is official weigh-in, but I've been bad this week and getting on the scale far too often--as if the will to drop the weight would actually have an effect. And yet, like I said, I've been less concerned about food this week. Last night though Catherine made her delicious puff-pastry chicken. Love it, but the puff pastry part is hard on points. I stayed within points and ate a serving with a salad and some cooked carrots. It was fine, but around 9 p.m. I was STARVING. I'm proud though! I didn't run to the kitchen and wolf down a brick of cheese. Instead I got two wasa crisps and a laughing cow cheese and had a 2 point snack. It helped. I didn't worry about the points. I believe if I'm truly hungry I should respond to that (I just wish I were better at responding to the corollary--stopping when I'm truly full---not so good at that). And I guess that's really why I got on the scale today--generally when I get hungry it means I'm losing weight. Sure enough!!!! 190! I love that every new pound lost is a new record for me. The thing that's interesting though, is that I'm not over the top with joy about it as I usually am. I'm pleased for sure, and I can't wait to see the 180's, but that's it.
I'm not at all sure what these emotions mean. Maybe it's just as simple as having a little confidence for the first time in my life in this area. If I eat right and exercise, I will lose weight. Just like any other endeavor in life. I've been more or less faithfully practicing the harp for over two years now and guess what? I'm better at it! In a way I can take progress for granted, and although I can't control on a day to day basis whether I'm going to have a good practice session or not (somedays it seems I can play anything beautifully, other days I make nothing but mistakes), when I begin to play a piece well I don't feel as though I am "lucky" only that the work is paying off and it feels great and I enjoy the music. Always before, losing weight had a strong element of "luck" to it and unfairness to it. How far could I bend the diet? Would I lose if I ate two cookies? YES! three? YES! and then---hey! I've been really good how come I gained FIVE pounds?? And of course nothing ever came of very fast and I had no confidence it wouldn't just be back tomorrow. I'd never been thin so it seemed impossible.
Maybe the lack of exciting emotional fireworks today is a good sign. A little like my arthritic knees--I know, a weird analogy. My knees never really bother me, except that I can't do things like deep knee bends and if I do something extreme--like a big hike they will ache a little. The doctor said the ache is because of inflammation and the best thing to do if I know I'm going to do something like take a hike is to take an anti-inflammatory BEFORE I even start. I'm not a big med taker--so taking something when nothing hurts feels wrong, but the idea is that it's far easier on my body to keep things on an even keel rather than let my knees inflame up and then try to soothe them down again. Same with losing weight and learning to eat right? Probably.
Anyway---I was planning today's food while I was hungry last night. Not surprisingly I planned out the full 36 point day. I just couldn't imagine getting by on any less. And I think it's ok too. I'm getting extra exercise today--strength training in addition to walking to work. Even if I did save every single point to blow on Saturday I'm still going to be way over on Saturday--the main thing is to keep everything around Saturday on track.
I'm really looking forward to a Saturday with my girl! Food is going to be a major part of the day--but by no means the only part. We're getting our hair and nails done and going to the aquarium! I'm not going to worry about food, but I do have a goal to not eat more if I don't WANT more. That's not as easy as it sounds. My instinct is to think, "I have a day off I don't know when I'll have another one so I'd better stuff myself as much as possible." Make no mistake--I'm planning on going to the Macaroni Grill where the entrees are huge and swimming in cream and cheese. I've never been one of those people who go to a restaraunt and say "oh I could never eat all that" or who claim to be starving and then eat three bites and say they're stuffed. I have NO trouble with restaraunt portions. And Macaroni Grill serves the most amazing bread to dip in oil--I like to eat about 2 loaves of that too, plus a Ceasar salad plus a dessert and probably an appetizer. All I'm promising is that if all that fills me up that I won't eat an additional two loaves past the point of stomach ache just because it's a day off. Also, I am entertaining a distant thought that perhaps my body has changed a little over the last 130 days and maybe I WILL feel stuffed after just half an entree. If so, I CAN take it home to feed to Dave. There is always the off chance that I might become one of those annoying people who fill up at restaraunts while other diners are still hungry. So be it. I'll try not to be annoying about it though.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
No comments:
Post a Comment