Weigh day 191 again--which is actually really encouraging, because last night we finally got our new oven and Dave made pasties. They were gigantic and heavy and wonderful and I enjoyed it wholeheartedly. I'm sure it's still sitting in my stomach like a rock and so weighing in at my bottom weight anyway, even though it doesn't represent a loss, is ok with me today.
Actually, though anything is ok with me today. I've been so worried about Catherine. I did manage to sleep through the night last night from sheer exhaustion and cautious relief. Her medical history will prevent her from joining any branch of the military--but there are such things as medical waivers. She's looking for loop-holes. I don't know how good her chances would be and that's got me very worried. The more I hear the more I'm convinced that this is a huge mistake. She's going in with a true patriotic heart and every good intention. Flat out--the military as it is right now is simply not good enough for her. And she's going to be disappointed. Disappointed if she can't get in, and 100 times more disappointed if she does and finds out what it's really like. And I hate to see her sad.
Food-wise--the problem this week is that I simply am not thinking about it. Other than the pastie last night I haven't overeaten because I have no appetite (not that that prevents me from eating fully). Today though Dave made me a german pancake for breakfast--not quite ok on the core plan and we're having pizza tonight---marginal on any plan and also going to a wedding reception---I don't really care for wedding cake, but little cups of nuts are another thing.
Just got off the phone with the air-force recruiter---sounding promising from my point of view she said she was a recruiter for 14 years and there's no way they'd let her in. I just hope she's right.
ANYWAY--I'm not sure if being non-there mentally is a good or a bad thing. Maybe good overall--after all the goal IS to live a normal life not being super focused on food but simply doing what's right because that's what I do. But this is still all very new and unconscious eating is what got me here in the first place so I want to be very careful. I guess I haven't exactly been unconscious though--unconcerned is more like it. But today since I had the pancake and knew about pizza, I at least did not add cheese to the fajita meat for lunch. Also, I'm going to the gym after work for a weight training session--excited about that!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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