Wow, I'm tired out today. But a couple of good things happening. My knee continues to improve. A set back like this really makes me think that I might be on the right track. I've noticed that the beginnings of many successful journeys have big setbacks right at the beginning. Yesterday--
Breakfast: Oatmeal with fruit, splenda, cinnamon, milk.
Halloween pot-luck. Oh my. meatballs, smokies, 7-layer dip, chips, cheeseball, crackers, 2 kinds of salad, jalapenos, lots of desserts. yum.
Dinner----I didn't want any. All I really wanted was a bowl of popcorn. BUT I made real food for Dave, and the thought occurred to me that I should have at least a small amount of real food too---for nutrition, and maybe to not be so hungry today. I did. A little sweet and sour chicken, rice and veggies--skipped the eggroll (unusual for me), and had my popcorn. I ate more of the popcorn than necessary, but at least Dave at half and I did not eat cheese and chocolate milk with it, so that was a bonus.
I liked the thinking about dinner. It sounded sooooo, Normal. Like something a good mom would say. Eat the good stuff first. Why? Because you need it. Maybe it worked too. I wasn't overly hungry this morning. I worked hard in kettlebell class, and there was candy. i wasn't even slightly interested in the candy. All I wanted was the apple in my office.
For lunch I had pizza (1 slice) and salad and 100 cal popcorn, and a string cheese. But I wasn't very happy with that lunch. I didn't want pizza. I don't know what I really wanted, but it wasn't junk food. Good sign!
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Halloween Party
Last night was the ward Halloween party--not nearly so deadly as today's work potluck will be. I LOVE my work potlucks. Yesterday's food
Breakfast--2 multigrain eggo waffles (140 cal), w nutella, a banana and whipped cream.
Snack--string cheese
Lunch--butternut squash soup, 1 slice good bread, 1 slice salami, olive tapenade, 1 button of feta 3 chocolate almonds.
Snack --zuchinni slices.
Grazing---making cheeseball for work party---many tastes
Party
1 1/2 bowls of chili---Brilliant idea from someone--they brought a muffin-tin so they could taste all the chili's. Totally doing that next year! 2 small cornbread, 1 large piece cornbread with honey butter. 1 fun sized snickers peanut butter, an after dinner mint.
Went to the doctor about my knee. Physical therapy coming. If I ever want to go as the scariest Halloween costume ever, I'm going as a set of doctor's scales. Yeeesh.
Breakfast--2 multigrain eggo waffles (140 cal), w nutella, a banana and whipped cream.
Snack--string cheese
Lunch--butternut squash soup, 1 slice good bread, 1 slice salami, olive tapenade, 1 button of feta 3 chocolate almonds.
Snack --zuchinni slices.
Grazing---making cheeseball for work party---many tastes
Party
1 1/2 bowls of chili---Brilliant idea from someone--they brought a muffin-tin so they could taste all the chili's. Totally doing that next year! 2 small cornbread, 1 large piece cornbread with honey butter. 1 fun sized snickers peanut butter, an after dinner mint.
Went to the doctor about my knee. Physical therapy coming. If I ever want to go as the scariest Halloween costume ever, I'm going as a set of doctor's scales. Yeeesh.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Smaller cheesecake
Some victories yesterday. I'm sure hoping that slow and steady really does win the race.
Breakfast---thin bagel with chive and onion cream cheese, milk w soy, oj.
Lunch--omlette, w 1 egg and 3 egg whites, spinach, jalapeno, a laughing cow cheese, a whole can of mushrooms, 1 slice ezekiel bread, 2 sausages, diet hot chocolate.
---Lunch was a very deliberate healthy choice because I knew that dinner would not be healthy at all.
Dinner---gyro plate from Jims burgers. Lots of fry sauce, I added a little feta cheese too. Finished most of dinner then suddenly realized that I was full. Really full. I could have finished the meal and part of me wanted to, but instead I closed the lid, had a couple bites of Daves cherry shake, and threw the rest away.
Dessert---WAITED for dessert. I wanted the little brownies that my professor brought to class, but I wanted cheesecake more. Came home late, and would have been fine without cheesecake, but I didn't want to skip it, because for now I need to nail down in my mind that I really can have what I want. BUT, I didn't just divide the cheesecake into 2 pieces as originally planned. I cut two small pieces for us, and there's still some left over.
My knee is finally getting better. I'm able to walk at a pretty normal speed now, although downhill and stairs still hurt. I'm going to the doctor today and am going to ask for physical therapy.
Breakfast---thin bagel with chive and onion cream cheese, milk w soy, oj.
Lunch--omlette, w 1 egg and 3 egg whites, spinach, jalapeno, a laughing cow cheese, a whole can of mushrooms, 1 slice ezekiel bread, 2 sausages, diet hot chocolate.
---Lunch was a very deliberate healthy choice because I knew that dinner would not be healthy at all.
Dinner---gyro plate from Jims burgers. Lots of fry sauce, I added a little feta cheese too. Finished most of dinner then suddenly realized that I was full. Really full. I could have finished the meal and part of me wanted to, but instead I closed the lid, had a couple bites of Daves cherry shake, and threw the rest away.
Dessert---WAITED for dessert. I wanted the little brownies that my professor brought to class, but I wanted cheesecake more. Came home late, and would have been fine without cheesecake, but I didn't want to skip it, because for now I need to nail down in my mind that I really can have what I want. BUT, I didn't just divide the cheesecake into 2 pieces as originally planned. I cut two small pieces for us, and there's still some left over.
My knee is finally getting better. I'm able to walk at a pretty normal speed now, although downhill and stairs still hurt. I'm going to the doctor today and am going to ask for physical therapy.
Monday, October 27, 2014
Compromise
I did all right yesterday. I compromised and had 1 1/2 slices of pizza. I felt good about that---It allowed me to "go back for more" which I really like to do, without derailing me completely. I felt guilty about eating yesterday since poor Dave couldn't have anything but broth and jello, but not sorry enough to eat jello with him. My knee is feeling better and I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, so hopefully exercise will reappear soon. Today has been good as well. Dave wants a pastrami burger--that means Big Jim's--read, unhealthy and fattening. Plus, he couldn't have any leftover cheesecake yesterday, so I waited for today to have that with him. SO---for once, I thought ahead a little. Since I'm going to have a fattening dinner, I had a deliberately healthy lunch, and since I'm having cheesecake later, I didn't have a bunch of cookies earlier. YAY!!! Several cognitive battles won.
Yesterday---
Omlete with 2 egg whites, 1 egg, spinach and jalapeno, 1 slice ezekiel bread, milk w/soy and a hersheys kiss at church.
Lunch---Banana, reasonable amount of butternut squash soup, good bread with olive tapenade, a feta cheese round (about 80 cal from trader joes), a slice of summer sausage and 2 chocolate almonds.
Dinner--big salad with ken's dressing, croutons, 1 and 1/2 slice pizza, 1 breadstick, sever dinner mints.
Dessert--diet hotchocolate with a little soy (my body is loving the soy milk) and 1 halloween sugar cookie with frosting.
Felt good about the day. Beginning to get used to not exercising--NOT GOOD, but still going nuts because it's so beautiful outside and I'm trapped inside.
Yesterday---
Omlete with 2 egg whites, 1 egg, spinach and jalapeno, 1 slice ezekiel bread, milk w/soy and a hersheys kiss at church.
Lunch---Banana, reasonable amount of butternut squash soup, good bread with olive tapenade, a feta cheese round (about 80 cal from trader joes), a slice of summer sausage and 2 chocolate almonds.
Dinner--big salad with ken's dressing, croutons, 1 and 1/2 slice pizza, 1 breadstick, sever dinner mints.
Dessert--diet hotchocolate with a little soy (my body is loving the soy milk) and 1 halloween sugar cookie with frosting.
Felt good about the day. Beginning to get used to not exercising--NOT GOOD, but still going nuts because it's so beautiful outside and I'm trapped inside.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
One piece of pizza
I did very well yesterday. I knew dinner was going to be a disaster, but I don't think it was any more of a disaster for me than it would have been for any other skinny person, and it only took the peer pressure of 7 people to accomplish it! Addicition is a weird thing. Even as I type that, I'm wondering how I can justify having 2 pieces of pizza for dinner tonight?
But first---for breakfast I had some cottage cheese, a peach and a slice of ezekiel bread with I can't believe it's not butter (when I say butter, I always mean ICB unless otherwise noted)
Lunch--a BLT minus the T on ezekiel bread, 4 olives, a pickle some carrots and 2 chocolate almonds.
Snack--a glass of milk with some soy milk mixed in.
So far, so good. Not hungry, and a good mix of food. Then it was time to play How to Host a Murder. I LOVE playing these, and I am the culprit who set up the whole party. It was a glamourous movie theme, but our house is far too small to have 6 people over for dinner and a game, so we had to have it in one of the classrooms on campus. That meant no oven. We compromised by ordering pizza and calling it fancy names. Everyone dressed up, and nobody went back for seconds, so I didn't either, even though I wanted to. The thing is that hungry-wise, I was FINE with the following:
1 glass Martinelli sparking cider
about 4 small glasses of "punch"--raspberry sherbet w diet 7-up
1 piece chicken ranch pizza from the Pie (really good)
2 bread sticks
1 smallish salad with blue cheese dressing
1 large piece of pumpkin praline cheesecake
6 or 7 after dinner mints--the kind with chocolate in the middle.
Sigh. That is PLENTY of food and even my body agreed it was plenty. Left to myself, I would have eaten another piece of pie, more salad and several more breadsticks. Moderation is HARD for me. But I want to persist, because I love the idea that I really can have all the good things I had yesterday. Right now it's 3:30 on a Sunday afternoon, and I'm not in the least hungry. I'd sure like a large......bowl of popcorn, piece of pizza, hunk of cheese, milk and cookies...pretty much anything. But, since I'm NOT hungry, and I'm NOT on a diet, and I DO want to finish cleaning up the party, I think I'll be able to pass.
But first---for breakfast I had some cottage cheese, a peach and a slice of ezekiel bread with I can't believe it's not butter (when I say butter, I always mean ICB unless otherwise noted)
Lunch--a BLT minus the T on ezekiel bread, 4 olives, a pickle some carrots and 2 chocolate almonds.
Snack--a glass of milk with some soy milk mixed in.
So far, so good. Not hungry, and a good mix of food. Then it was time to play How to Host a Murder. I LOVE playing these, and I am the culprit who set up the whole party. It was a glamourous movie theme, but our house is far too small to have 6 people over for dinner and a game, so we had to have it in one of the classrooms on campus. That meant no oven. We compromised by ordering pizza and calling it fancy names. Everyone dressed up, and nobody went back for seconds, so I didn't either, even though I wanted to. The thing is that hungry-wise, I was FINE with the following:
1 glass Martinelli sparking cider
about 4 small glasses of "punch"--raspberry sherbet w diet 7-up
1 piece chicken ranch pizza from the Pie (really good)
2 bread sticks
1 smallish salad with blue cheese dressing
1 large piece of pumpkin praline cheesecake
6 or 7 after dinner mints--the kind with chocolate in the middle.
Sigh. That is PLENTY of food and even my body agreed it was plenty. Left to myself, I would have eaten another piece of pie, more salad and several more breadsticks. Moderation is HARD for me. But I want to persist, because I love the idea that I really can have all the good things I had yesterday. Right now it's 3:30 on a Sunday afternoon, and I'm not in the least hungry. I'd sure like a large......bowl of popcorn, piece of pizza, hunk of cheese, milk and cookies...pretty much anything. But, since I'm NOT hungry, and I'm NOT on a diet, and I DO want to finish cleaning up the party, I think I'll be able to pass.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
THE choice
Nice that the internet at home is working again! But that's really no excuse. I have the computers at work and the laptop if I really need it.
Basics. Basics. Basics. How can something so simple be so difficult to remember????
Here are my choices concerning food and weight:
1. Control myself by gentle methods. Keep learning about nutrition. Keep learning to stop when I'm full, keep adding movement to my life. The results----I never have to weigh, count or worry. I never have to be hungry. Probably slow weight loss--although it might pick up as I get better at this.
2. Control myself by outside means. Weight Watchers, my own plan, calorie counting or whatever. The results--excitement at the beginning, crashing boredom soon to follow. Faster weight loss until I inevitably quit.
3. Don't choose. Eat whatever, whenever. Enjoy instant gratification all the time. Bemoan that I can't live this way and still look good. Scary---who knows how heavy I am capable of becoming?
The thing that's so hard to remember is that choice number three never evolves into choice number 1. At no time will I ever "get tired" of food. I can't. I need it to survive. The thing that's so hard about choice number 1 is that I WILL have to exercise self-denial--A LOT. The plan is gentle, but it's not choice number 3. It's hard to see how to stop temptation. What if I want a chocolate chip cookie? Well, that's fine----maybe. Have I already eaten a lot that day? Especially sweets? Have I exercised? How many or how big is this cookie?
----NEW INSPIRATION---this is just like parenting! Good parents do not operate on auto-pilot. They set limits, but are open to change when it makes sense to change. That is hard to do! I get tired. I get unsure. I just want things to be easy, but it isn't. Children's problems, like cravings come at inconvenient times, when I'm least equipped to deal with them rationally. Okay! I can accept this. This is what life is all about. God's plan is all about free will. It's Satan who wanted to force us all to be good.
______________
I will need a lot of help to really do choice number one. First off, I need to be consistent with a food journal. I also think I need a frequent visual reminder about what I'm doing. I need to carefully think about and set my guidelines.
Basics. Basics. Basics. How can something so simple be so difficult to remember????
Here are my choices concerning food and weight:
1. Control myself by gentle methods. Keep learning about nutrition. Keep learning to stop when I'm full, keep adding movement to my life. The results----I never have to weigh, count or worry. I never have to be hungry. Probably slow weight loss--although it might pick up as I get better at this.
2. Control myself by outside means. Weight Watchers, my own plan, calorie counting or whatever. The results--excitement at the beginning, crashing boredom soon to follow. Faster weight loss until I inevitably quit.
3. Don't choose. Eat whatever, whenever. Enjoy instant gratification all the time. Bemoan that I can't live this way and still look good. Scary---who knows how heavy I am capable of becoming?
The thing that's so hard to remember is that choice number three never evolves into choice number 1. At no time will I ever "get tired" of food. I can't. I need it to survive. The thing that's so hard about choice number 1 is that I WILL have to exercise self-denial--A LOT. The plan is gentle, but it's not choice number 3. It's hard to see how to stop temptation. What if I want a chocolate chip cookie? Well, that's fine----maybe. Have I already eaten a lot that day? Especially sweets? Have I exercised? How many or how big is this cookie?
----NEW INSPIRATION---this is just like parenting! Good parents do not operate on auto-pilot. They set limits, but are open to change when it makes sense to change. That is hard to do! I get tired. I get unsure. I just want things to be easy, but it isn't. Children's problems, like cravings come at inconvenient times, when I'm least equipped to deal with them rationally. Okay! I can accept this. This is what life is all about. God's plan is all about free will. It's Satan who wanted to force us all to be good.
______________
I will need a lot of help to really do choice number one. First off, I need to be consistent with a food journal. I also think I need a frequent visual reminder about what I'm doing. I need to carefully think about and set my guidelines.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Fast food revolt
Well, I didn't cave and make funeral potatoes, but I'm definitely having a reaction today. Last night turned out pretty well. I did make the very healthy Japanese Hot Pot--I had two bowls of that plus an egg roll and PLUS about 6 of a new cookie reciepe that is truly a healthy recipe!!! No fat, no sugar and no flour!!!! It's bananas, oatmeal and a little applesauce, I added nuts and dark chocolate chips. NOT BAD!!!! Nothing can ever really replace the true chocolate chip, but these are a strong contender! You could literally eat them for breakfast just fine!!!
Still, today I'm in trouble. There wasn't anything in the house I wanted to eat for lunch, Dave is in SLC today so there's no one to share a pizza with, and I had a wild craving for McDonald's. I almost NEVER go to McDonalds, but on the spur of the moment I ran down and got my favorite bacon, egg and cheese biscuit meal. I think the reasoning, if you can call it that, was that I wanted a big hunk of cheese and I do still have white flour rolls at home---that's not a very good choice. So, since I'm not willing to make a poor #2 choice, I went with the distant #10 REALLY bad choice. Worse, I didn't pack a lunch, so I'll be eating out. There's a slim chance that I might go to subways for a healthy lunch, but it's much easier to just go upstairs to the buffet or to the new grill.
On the bright side, at least I'm finally full.
LATER---
Ok, I need to write what's going on today. That McDonald's breakfast, that looked so little to me, actually filled me up really well. So well, that I wasn't hungry at all at lunch. Especially after I had a string cheese. What I SHOULD have done was to just wait or skip it or have an early dinner. I didn't. I went to the new corner bakery and had a full lunch (Very tasty!). I think what's partially going on is that it's Friday and the best pizza would be a PIE calzone, but I also wanted to try the bakery.
Why could I not have waited till 4:30 then gone to the PIE after work and taken Catherine to the bakery tomorrow? (Because she wants to go to Sonora Grill). Maybe I was afraid I'd be hungry? I really do hate being hungry and I felt hungry a lot yesterday. But at worst, I would have only been hungry for 3 hours.
So what will I do tonight? I WANT to go to the pie, but I'm not hungry now (partially because I ate a bunch of cookie bites from the bakery, AND several healthy cookies that I brought. What on earth is wrong with me today? I think I want the PIE out of habit.
When it comes to food it's so hard for me to delay gratification. The pie isn't going anywhere and neither is the bakery.
Still, today I'm in trouble. There wasn't anything in the house I wanted to eat for lunch, Dave is in SLC today so there's no one to share a pizza with, and I had a wild craving for McDonald's. I almost NEVER go to McDonalds, but on the spur of the moment I ran down and got my favorite bacon, egg and cheese biscuit meal. I think the reasoning, if you can call it that, was that I wanted a big hunk of cheese and I do still have white flour rolls at home---that's not a very good choice. So, since I'm not willing to make a poor #2 choice, I went with the distant #10 REALLY bad choice. Worse, I didn't pack a lunch, so I'll be eating out. There's a slim chance that I might go to subways for a healthy lunch, but it's much easier to just go upstairs to the buffet or to the new grill.
On the bright side, at least I'm finally full.
LATER---
Ok, I need to write what's going on today. That McDonald's breakfast, that looked so little to me, actually filled me up really well. So well, that I wasn't hungry at all at lunch. Especially after I had a string cheese. What I SHOULD have done was to just wait or skip it or have an early dinner. I didn't. I went to the new corner bakery and had a full lunch (Very tasty!). I think what's partially going on is that it's Friday and the best pizza would be a PIE calzone, but I also wanted to try the bakery.
Why could I not have waited till 4:30 then gone to the PIE after work and taken Catherine to the bakery tomorrow? (Because she wants to go to Sonora Grill). Maybe I was afraid I'd be hungry? I really do hate being hungry and I felt hungry a lot yesterday. But at worst, I would have only been hungry for 3 hours.
So what will I do tonight? I WANT to go to the pie, but I'm not hungry now (partially because I ate a bunch of cookie bites from the bakery, AND several healthy cookies that I brought. What on earth is wrong with me today? I think I want the PIE out of habit.
When it comes to food it's so hard for me to delay gratification. The pie isn't going anywhere and neither is the bakery.
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