Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Monday, January 29, 2018

Sick Friday weird week ahead

Well, I lost two more pounds by virtue of being super sick on Friday. Friday was my cheat meal. We went to a Thai restaurant where I was disappointed that I wasted my cheat meal on a super mediocre noodle dish. BUT! I cheered myself up that movie popcorn and chocolate was coming. The movie I wanted to see wasn't at the theater where I thought it would be, so we just bought the popcorn and went home to watch the Crown. The first episode was great as I ate popcorn and dark chocolate almonds. And then I was done. And then I felt a little stomach achy and then worse and worse and worse until I started throwing up.

I'd like to think I'd learn something about eating vast amounts of terrible food too quickly, but I'm sure I won't. After just one day movie popcorn sounded fine again. I made sure to step on the scale the next morning and it showed 2 pounds less---a weight I haven't seen since last year when I was going through the Bod-E Talk program. Naturally, it went back up the second I drank anything, but it was nice to know that it is at least technically possible for the scale to show those numbers.

This week is shaping up to be a challenging one. I have one cheat meal per week, but I need three.
Tomorrow is a work potluck--love those! and on Saturday morning we're going to paint pottery with friends and will probably go to breakfast or lunch---I suppose I can skip going out to food, but in the evening, Dave and I are going to see a play, Pride and Prejudice--my favorite! And I want to finally use our Olive Garden gift certificate and make a really romantic evening of it. I do NOT wish to restrain myself in anyway at Olive Garden. Except just maaaaaybeee I can remember  what overeating felt like last Friday, and try to avoid ruining the play by feeling horrible---but I doubt it.

I really think Friday was a one off. Generally, I have no problem eating like a linebacker. Which brings up an interesting question--do I really want that to change? I love eating huge meals. I suppose it might be wonderful to love eating smaller meals. That IS what I'm aiming for right? Sorta. Funny how addictions work. I'm thinking of my blog friend Sean, who was 500 pounds and used to go to buffets with the idea of destroying them. I've never felt the need to do that--but I wonder if he ever missed it? I think so---he did regain about 160 pounds before he turned himself around again.  It's a whole adjustment of what feelings of bounty and plenty and richness mean to me. It's hard to feel rich about less---but it's only less food. I can still feel rich (I think) when I have skinny jeans, good health, self-confidence and STILL have a chocolate chip cookie.

Other thoughts---this is hard, but this phase is temporary--it's the wearing of the cast so to speak. AND it's a little harder just now because I'm trying to play catch up. Normally, it will just be three pounds a month which gives me a little more wiggle room.

I'm definitely going to enjoy my potluck tomorrow.

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