Was doing well heading for my October goal--all set to go buy myself a shirt, when my weight fluxed up on Sunday. Irritating but everything about weight loss is irritating. I tried again today and still not there. Apparently, it wasn't a flux upward but a real gain. Damn.
Oh well. I did fine yesterday. Today is a little hard because I don't especially like what I brought for lunch, but that's not the diet's fault. We just happened to have two weird soupy meals in the fridge that need eaten. What I've got is very heathy, and I can make something more appealing for dinner.
Probably what's really making me feel grumpy today is not the food, but Thursday is the day I visit Dad. That's always a stressor. My big fear is that he won't be able to stay at the Gardens. If that happens we're all up a creek, because there simply isn't the money to go anywhere else. The note from the doctor yesterday wasn't promising. He's got a rash and is even more incontinent than usual.
Sigh. It's not the incontinence that's the problem. It's the fact that he simply doesn't believe that he can/or just can't be bothered to clean himself up after an accident. I do think he's flirting with dementia, but he's always been that way. We know from sad experience that there is no bottom to which Dad will not sink. When he was on his own and his mind was working fine--exceptionally fine, his IQ is probably above 170, he was perfectly content to do his work in a pile of garbage with thousands of cockroaches running around. The Gardens does a good job cleaning up after him. Dave and I do the laundry, but he usually still smells terrible. The doctor is thinking the rash might be shingles. Maybe. Or maybe it's just as simple as bad diaper rash. Bottom-line, it's just plain difficult to go and see him. No wonder I'm depressed today.
Sorry to dump that out there, but hopefully dumping out here will mean less desire to dump food in my body. I want to say that this has never helped in the past, but who knows? Maybe it has. Basically, I have a 50-70 pound problem. I don't have a 200-300 pound problem. That means something's working, or at least is not as bad as it could be.
Breakfast--thin bagel with veggie cream cheese, chocolate almond milk, banana
Lunch--weird "Turkey Pot au Feu" a flavor point recipe, 2 digestive biscuits from England.
Snack: 100 cal popcorn
This gets me to 1000 calories
Dinner--probably a chicken breast with buffalo sauce and blue cheese crumbles. Maybe I'll "fry" (meaning with spray) a potato with onions, and some kind of veggie. I'll see where this gets me calorie wise and whether dessert is on the horizon.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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