Back from the big work conference. Thank goodness---fun conference, but too much food. I had a huge breakfast today which disappointed me--but at least I was still full at lunch and had a minimal lunch (although with the dessert). Tracking points tonight though and the rest of the week.
I was thinking about the point where I feel as though I've been indulgent and the point where others (the skinny ones) feel indulgent. I've talked about this before--I suspect much of this blog will be repetitious--sorry--I wish I could thrash out these thoughts once and for all and then live forever newly changed in the knowledge. I seem to have to rethink things many times before they stick. ANYWAY. There were delicious scones for breakfast yesterday. I went back for a second one. Maria, who is very slender, said she wanted one too, but wouldn't. I need to hear that over and over. Maria--ALSO wanted a second--she isn't skinny because she isn't tempted. She's skinny because she simply eats right and exercises. NOBODY needed a second scone. I knew that. The first ones were plenty large. After the second scone--I still could have eaten a third or a fourth, but I didn't. And it wasn't just social pressure--as I proved by being the only one today to eat two big platefuls of breakfast, I am perfectly capable of making a pig of myself in public--it was more that after two scones I felt as though I had been indulgent. And maybe that's the feeling I am often looking for---I want to relax and indulge and the point where I think I've done that is higher than it is for skinny people. Breakfast today was the same thing. Large breakfasts at any time are a treat--and when the breakfast includes biscuits and gravy and orange juice then it's a big treat. I am passionate about bacon. I had about 8 or 9 slices, which is waaaay too much bacon, but here's the thing. Again, I could have easily eaten as much again--plus some more potatoes would have been nice. But I didn't. My "indulgence" trigger had been satisfied. I had eaten plenty of bacon and I knew it and it simply wouldn't occur to me to go back for more. How can I set that "indulgence" level lower? Eating bacon is always an indulgence--the human body doesn't need bacon. Usually in the morning I'll have two slices if I have any. Can I set my mind to the level where 3 or 4 pieces feels like I've eaten a lot of bacon? I'll just have to keep practicing. I had an uber-skinny co-worker once who "indulged" in an Andes mint. One. ONE. Most of the time I don't think of a single Andes mint as anything at all, let alone an indulgence. Usually I feel super virtuous because I had an Andes mint as opposed to a full snickers bar or something. It's a big step in the right direction, true. But chocolate is chocolate and a little bit is still indulgent.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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