Wow--I continue to be amazed by Sean from the losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com blog. I think I've mentioned him before--he used to weigh 505 and is now at goal weight. He blogged every single day on his way down. I've decided to take him along with me for the ride. Today is the 27th day for me so I read day 27 for him. I am amazed by his refusal to be a victim and be angry at his circumstances. His story today was about high-school football--he was big at about 300 lbs and went out for the team. The first practice was on a very hot day and the coach made the kids run laps. Because Sean was the biggest and slowest the coach made him run extra laps. Halfway around the third extra lap Sean quit--walked off and never came back. MY attitude is that the coach should have see Sean's exhaustion after the standard laps and given him a "good job" pat on the back. And he certainly should have found Sean the next day and offered some encouragement. The coach represents to me what is wrong with so much of the diet and exercise industry--give this huge effort or you're off the team. It's getting better but that mentality is still out there and it destroys people--I once tried to join a gym in Houston and was flatly refused a membership because I wouldn't commit to at least 45 min a day. The gym was right next door to my house! I wanted to begin the habit of daily exercise not commit to a huge goal that I didn't believe I could maintain. Anyway--SEAN's attitude is much better--his blog reads as though he honestly doesn't harbor any resentment against that coach. Only regret that he didn't stick with it. Wow. I have a long way to go before I can be that fundamentally forgiving.
Anyway---I'm glad I read that today so I could be reminded that perfection can backfire. Yesterday I planned my food which included manwich "wings" and oven fries for dinner. Good choices both, but a little hard to measure--how many fries really equal a "large potato"? I didn't even try to measure--they were on the plan and I ate until I was full--not stuffed, but feeling good FULL. I just couldn't stand to leave with that barely satisfied feeling I usually get from a ww meal, so I'm sure that I ate more than I was really allotted. I don't exactly feel guilty, I believe that eating in response to true hunger is the right thing to do. But I also know that starting to bend the rules is the sure path to diet disaster. So I'm a little frustrated and frightened. What if I can't live with this program? What if I can't lose weight unless I rigidly follow the plan? I know for a fact that this second feeling is a little silly--I will lose weight, just more slowly which should be fine, but really isn't in my mind.
I was thinking this morning that I'm due for a little pep talk. I'm just past the 3 wk mark which is where I usually bog down and quit. My previous habits are pulling me to quit. I've never been successful and have a hard time believing I CAN be successful--it might be possible for everyone else, but not for me. Nonsense--where is it written that I must be fat and frumpy? Physically speaking Mom and Dad were both quite good looking when they were young. The other worrisome thing is just that this a hard thing to do--the logic is that if it's this hard now, how can I possibly be expected to keep this up for long? I'm forgetting of course, that it might just get EASIER on the way and also that a lot of journeys have some major obsticles right at the beginning. Also, I am able to maintain hard things. Yes, I lose interest, but I am able to perservere---I keep jobs, I've studied harp faithfully for two years now, I let a lot of projects go that's true, but I finish many. I can perservere here too. Also, this is not forever exactly---keeping an eye on my weight IS something that I will have to watch the rest of my life--somewhat like a recovering alchoholic. But there's no way I'm going to go through life counting the points on every morsel I eat. That's ridiculous. Weight watchers is one piece of the puzzle---for me an important piece, but the ultimate goal is the concept of Intuitive Eating---that piece of the puzzle is the last piece--I'd love to do it right now, and I've discovered that I can have a little very very slow weight loss on it if I make a point to embrace any healthy habit that might come my way, but right now I can't really be reasonable on intuitive eating--I like food too much and social occasions or just plain loving what I'm eating is more powerful than my inner signals to stop when I'm full. Still---that's the goal. Oddly, ww is helping with intuitive eating---to even begin to be happy with ww I have to make the choices that I personally, find satisfying.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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