Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Thursday, April 28, 2011

Three keys

Okay, continuing on from yesterday.  Losing weight is a little like assembling a jigsaw puzzle.  Mine as at least three pieces--and probably more.  It really bothers me when groups like WW claim to have THE answer, when they are so clearly missing pieces as evidenced by the thousands who try to live the program but are unsuccessful.  I wonder why it bothers me so badly? Why can't I just let it go and appreciate the good things it does have to offer? Why the compulsion to "fix" the program? Clearly, I need to fix it so it works for me--but why all the frustration because the program is imperfect?  Maybe it's as simple as the feeling of being let down by the program--or maybe it has really deep roots.  I know the feeling of unfairness is a big problem that I haven't yet overcome.

ANYWAY--like I was saying yesterday---the ultimate goal is to become an intuitive eater--the kind of person that can trust themselves to eat whatever they want and not eat what they don't want.  Stop when they're full and simply not worry about it.  I already do this somewhat---I can maintain a steady weight without effort--but it's a weight about 60 pounds above where it ought to be.  There are people out there---formerly 500 lb Sean for example, that have to work very hard to maintain what I can do without effort.  PLENTY of others seem to maintain my goal weight or less effortlessly--the goal is to join their ranks.  I think this is the third and final puzzle piece.

The second is the principles from overeaters anonymous---how can anybody solve a problem like obesity without solving the underlying problems that caused it in the first place?  I need to focus here much more than I do---I jump in and out of OA--usually out---because it's scary and often painful and always a time commitment.  But what other choice is there? The problem exists and it simply will take whatever it takes to resolve it whether I like it or not.  I think OA is the bridge that will someday get me to intuitive eating and also make it possible to stay on weight watchers.

The third, and in a way the least important, are programs like weight watchers---I don't think I can skip this puzzle piece, much as I would like to.  I'm 47 and have spent a lifetime trying to avoid ww and still lose weight.  My efforts are not enough to get results.  WW gets results which is both encouraging and I hope will eventually change my body chemistry as I lose weight--thus making it easier to maintain a lower weight.  Also, much as I get frustrated and complain, it forces me to deal with the other two steps.  As I get angry with the ww plans--that anger is important because it will reveal the thinking that keeps me overweight.  And, to live the ww plan I become very aware of what foods I like and want. Also, ww keeps me in touch with feelings like hunger and light satisfaction---I don't like either feeling and I don't have enough acquaintance with those feelings.  I have plenty of acquaintance with being full, overfull and unconscious about food.  Time to restore the balance. 

Today is the 28th day!  A full month.  I struggled some yesterday and probably ate too much dinner again, but I am plugging away forward.  Hopefully the scale will show a loss, but if it doesn't, I feel much slimmer and that IS a great feeling.  I can't wait to wear the cute clothes Dave bought me two years ago.

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