Four weeks 28 days and down another pound for a total of 8 pounds. OKAY!!! 45 left to go--not an impossibly huge number. I DO like that ww yields results. I'll like it even better when I get some results that I haven't seen before. These 8 pounds are Christmas weight--heavier than I usually am--I need to lose 3 more pounds to get where I consider myself normally to be anyway. 7 more pounds from today will bring me down to the all time low from my last bout with weight watchers. After that it's ALL exciting stuff!! Every pound after that will be a weight that I haven't seen for at least 20 years. It will feel fantastic.
Major kudos to the insurance company PEHP for their wellness program. They will pay for WW so long as I lose 1 BMI every two months. Their goal for me was to lose 7 pounds in TWO MONTHS--less than 1 pound a week. That is incredibly reassuring to me. A big heartless insurance company is actually willing to PAY for a loss that modest. This tells me that if I work as hard as I can a "little" loss is actually doing very well indeed. It's okay to work hard and lose a little. It's okay to work hard and lose a little. It's okay to work hard and lose a little. A little is a BIG deal. I can't hear that message enough.
Today's challenge is the funeral. Have I mentioned this? Horrible. A 15 year old suicide in our ward. His mother was my visiting teaching companion. We found out on Easter Sunday. The shock has worn off now, but I've never been to a funeral of anyone that young, let alone a suicide. I don't know how it will affect me food-wise--whether the sadness will kill my appetite, or cause me to want to wolf down huge amounts at the luncheon. The hardest thing right now is to even care. A boy is dead. His family is destroyed and I'm worried about what I'll eat for lunch??? This is an extreme example--but I'm learning that one thing that keeps me fat is that there is often something more important than what I eat--it's Christmas, I'm comforting a friend over ice-cream, it's the 4th of July, it's Friday. Too many occasions where what I eat just doesn't seem as important as the occasion. But I'm fighting for my life too---both quality and quantity. I need to insist (if only to myself) that I am important. Important enough to say no--no matter the occasion--even if everyone else is eating. And if I put it in those terms suddenly the food ISN'T the important thing anyway. I guarantee nobody will be concerned about my lunch today at the funeral. And it's not like I need to be concerned much either--only enough to decide (which I have) that I'll eat as moderately as I can and call it 12 points. There. I'm done. Now I can focus on other things as I should. But remembering to make that decision instead of just going with what the day brings is not natural to me yet.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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