Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Saturday, April 9, 2011

irritating

rrrrrrrr--weight watchers meetings are still as irritating as ever.  According to MY scale I've lost 4 pounds.  According to their scale I've stayed exactly the same.  There's a good reason for this.  I weighed yesterday morning before I ate.  The ww weigh followed the heavy dinner last night (great mystery--rather disappointing dinner), plus I ate breakfast just before I went to the meeting.  So, ok I know the ww weight doesn't truly reflect what I've done. But it DOES add to the general feeling of "this is pointless."  The meeting itself was mediocre--about exercise--ww is doing a "walk it" challenge trying to get everyone to do a 5K--awesome idea, but I'm already walking the 1/2 marathon on the day.  Next year I'll do the walk it challenge with the idea of actually increasing my 5K speed but this year--whatever.  Also, I have mixed feelings about before and after pics.  In a way they're inspiring, in another way I think they can be counter productive.  I don't want to reflect on my past or current self with a "boy was I a mess!" kind of mentality.  That kind of beating up on yourself doesn't help anyone lose weight. I realize I'm overweight and I know I'll look better when I lose it, but so what? Can I not consider myself beautiful right now? Why would I WANT to take better care of myself if I am weighed down by discouragement about how awful I look now?   I'll probably go to the meeting next week, but I don't see myself as becoming a very faithful attender.  On the bright side, they got the points calculators in.  They are only 5 bucks and are quite a neat gadget.  Catherine (who lost 4 pounds!!) immediately commandered it.  It will more or less live in the kitchen this week--and I'll pick up another for myself next week.  I'm very proud of her.  And of me too--but it's hard to remember to be proud of me because of that stupid scale at weight watchers. I KNOW better than to weigh. But curiosity gets me every time (plus some self-defeating behaviors--and a strong desire to find things to complain about when it comes to ww--I still don't WANT ww to be right.  I want to be right. I better work on that attitude immediately before I go out of my way to make sure ww doesn't work.)
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