In my psych class we were given a very helpful assignment about challenging our automatic negative thoughts. We had to write our thought--what emotion it triggered--what our action was--and finally, a more balanced way of thinking. I'm glad for that assignment!! I've been relying on it heavily over the last month or so. The most common automatic thought for me is: "That will never fill me up" or "I've already eaten half of this and I'm still hungry!" I've been challenging that with self talk such as "wait and see" or--"of course I'm still hungry--I've only eaten half--eat the other half and see how it goes. These negative messages can be powerful and they can totally overwhelm any good sense I've got when it comes to food.
Yesterday was a hungry day--my breakfast didn't stick with me and my lunch was also too light. Nevertheless I did GREAT at my art class treat table despite the fact that my evil professor brought cheesy bread from the Pie Pizzaria--my favorite pizza joint. I only ate ONE slice (and counted it as 5 points too), and several strawberries. I passed up the chips, the cookies, the cake, and the other five slices of cheesy bread I would have liked to have had. Came home and had dinner and was finally satisfied---although a long way from overful.
And what is my mind shouting at me? Not, "great job!" rather---"I'M NOT GETTING ENOUGH!!! I NEVER GET ENOUGH ON WEIGHT WATCHERS!!! I'M TOO HUNGRY!!! HOW CAN I STICK TO THIS??? IT'S UNREALISTIC!!! etc. etc. etc. etc. This despite the fact that I've been remarkably satisfied all last week, feeling good, and even feeling somewhat abundant as I've eaten all kinds of treats. To compound the negative feeling I was dumb enough to get on the scale this morning--up a pound. Stupid thing to do---it might be muscle, it might be water, it might even be effects of the birthday dinner. Doesn't matter--the emotional reaction is to throw out everything good that I've been doing and feeling and go with the thought, "AAAAAA!!!! THIS ISN'T WORKING!!!!!" Also not helpful is the money---or rather, lack of it--so I'm feeling pinched in that way as well. I'm glad for this blog. It's a good place to dump feelings that would otherwise build up unnoticed until they blew up by derailing my efforts.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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