Ticked off at Weight Watchers this morning. I'll explain in a bit. Yesterday I was WAAAAYYYY too hungry. I don't understand why. For breakfast I had a slice of heavy bread from Great Harvest with PB2 (Fake peanut butter that's really good), a banana and a glass of milk. I forgot to bring a snack--but still, that breakfast is one that usually holds me ok. Luckily, I had some microwave popcorn here--ate that. Then we had a fajita bar for lunch. I was STARVING, but still managed to eat moderately. Still, that lunch should have filled me up--I had a tortilla, a big scoop of refried beans, a pretty decent helping of the steak and chicken, a little cheese, a little sour cream, lots of lettuce and lots of salsa. For dessert I just had one of those fried chips with cinnamon and sugar. I was by no means full, but I thought that by waiting the 20 minutes or whatever I would fill up. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I stayed hungry all afternoon. By the time I went to take my final exam in psychology I was ravenous. Blew the final with a 70% my worst grade by far this semester. I would love to really know how much was due to being hungry and how much was due to to the fact that I didn't like the first two chapters and was tired of school anyway. Certainly most of the blame is due to poor study, but I bet a bit can go to being hungry. It was dumb to go in hungry---I should have made sure I was ok points or no points. Something needs to change starting TODAY. I've been uncomfortable about eating the activity points. The reason being that if I just eat the daily points and the weekly 49 if I ever make a mistake and overestimate it's still ok because I have the activity points as a buffer. I still like that thinking, but if I can't live that lifestyle, then those activity points need to be eaten. It's better to do that than quit altogether because I'm too hungry to stick to the program. The other fear is that in the past whenever I deviated even slightly from the ww program weight loss would stop altogether. This made, and still makes me really angry. It's not like I was eating tons of stuff!! It was maybe 200-300 calories over the limit--MUCH better than the 1,000-2,000 calories more I was eating before. Why a 90% effort does not yield weight loss is something that nobody has been able to anwer to my satisfaction.
Anyway--I was on the ww website figuring out my day and thinking about using activity points and maybe trying the core plan next week (limited food options, but at least I'd be full). And I was looking at the blogs and the posts and things. I love those--they seem to me to be full of real people posting feelings and questions about the very real challenges of weight-loss. I commend weight watchers for their website and making it easy for people to connect. What I wonder though is this---does anybody at ww headquarters bother to read any of these posts???? If so, I sure haven't seen it reflected in any of the meetings I've attended!! And it's more than just the two I've been to this go around--they had an on-campus group that I attended faithfully for months and the leader there seemed clueless. For example one post today was from a woman who had lost 95 pounds getting her all the way down to 155--my dream weight. Life stress hit, and she was uncomfortable with the attention she got at 155. She put the weight back on and realized that she had never thought about the challenges and differences in her life she would experience once she was at goal weight. My question---WHERE THE HELL WAS WEIGHT WATCHERS??? Now, she's trying to lose it again and says she is really working on her issues and looking to others for knowledge and support. Good for her! She's on the right track I think. It's just a shame that she can't look to the weight loss company she's been paying big dollars to to guide her through. She deserves to have this issue addressed--everyone does, because everyone is hoping to be successful. Over and over I read feelings and questions from people that I have never heard ww talk about. I'd like to believe that maybe I just haven't yet attended the right meeting, but judging by their literature--I don't think so. WW has the science and they have at least realized that community is important, but they haven't begun to tap into the reasons people are overweight to begin with, let alone how to heal obesity. For what they charge and what they claim this is completely unacceptable. I need help. I know I need help. And the leaders of the industry are giving me almost NOTHING. They have figured out that to lose weight I need to eat less and move more. Well, I already know that. And if I could do that I would have done it years ago. Apparently I can't do that. And I better help than just some generic rah rah as to how I can eat less and move more.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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