Ok--I finally found out what it takes to not want pizza. By late Saturday afternoon the end was obviously very near. Lisa had heard that sometimes people can't seem to die if people are around watching--so we all actually left the house for a few minutes and hung around in the yard. We had called Dominos pizza just before (WOW have they improved!) and provided quite a formidible reception for the poor pizza guy. Mom didn't pass then, but she DID pass about 1/2 an hour later when we were all (except Lisa) distracted by eating dinner. Lisa called us all over--and THAT is what it takes to shut down my addiction and make me not want to finish my pizza. If that's what it takes then I'd better find other resouces to control myself--which is really what this blog is about I think. I wish the appetite control had extended past the one meal. It's been nothing but eating out and rich meals all weekend. I took today off to get a little rest and am eating lunch out again with my good friend Kerri from Iowa, but it shouldn't be too much of a food disaster--it's a lovely day and I'll walk the 5k route and be back on track. The good news is that I want to be back on track--I'm beginning to dislike feeling heavy from overeating--that is new.
Today I'm grateful for my faith in Christ. That's why I can write a blog about food even after losing my dear mother. I miss Mom, I feel lonely for her and I tear up easily if anyone says anything kind--BUT, I'm not unhappy. I'm glad for her to be out of that body that was failing her, she is very much with me, I know I'll see her again and that I haven't really lost her. Best of all, I know that I know that. Death is perhaps the acid test of what we really believe. I wouldn't be able to be happy today unless my faith in Christ was genuine and powerful. He really is my best friend, even when I don't always remember it. And I feel today that I'm not worried or sad. I will always have my Mom. And thank goodness for that because I couldn't bear to lose her.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
What a beautiful testimony.
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We love you!
Thanks Stephonie!! Friends make all the difference. This has actually been a very enriching experience full of learning and growth. I feel as though I will love everyone a little better from here on out.
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