Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Me and my shadow

69

No exercise this morning---shame because it's an absolutely perfect day for walking to work--but no cavities either.  I don't know if I can get exercise in today since I'm going to SLC right after work (more sitting), but good dental care is part of the overall package too, so I don't feel too guilty.

I feel so skinny!! I'm slowly getting my legs back.  If I do say so myself, I have great legs.  This morning, as I was coming in to work I had fun with my shadow.  It was elongated, so I had a perfect figure. It was like a glimpse into my future.

I'm doing much better with the idea of 36 points a day.  It makes all the difference.  Yesterday I had 1/2 of the moose candy bar that's been in my desk since our conference.  It felt good in everyway and I STILL came out a little bit ahead in overall points!  Reverse psychology is at work here. Since I know I can have 36 pts, I'm taking a perverse pleasure in having a little less--plus success is motivating too.  I've never lost weight at a reasonable pace before.  It's either been super fast and short lived because of some quack diet (and here I include the Diet Center plan of the 1980's), or super slow because I was trying to do it strictly by altering my psychology.  I lost 30 pounds by working on my mind so I stand by my ideas, but oh the progress was so painfully slow.  I'm STILL working on the psychology--that's mostly what this blog has become about--it was supposed to be about gratitude, but it's become a place to dump feelings before they bottle up and explode in my face as a diet failure. 

But for now, I'm at work and my 1/2 hour has finally elapsed after my flouride treatment so I can have breakfast!  I'm really thirsty.  I also need to fix my Aruba presentation before I meet with the professor in an hour and as always, I wish to avoid doing anything with it so I'm glad I have some breakfast to ease along drudgery.  I suppose that's probably misusing food, but don't skinny people do that sometimes too?  To close today I want to include this terrific poem based on Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven, from another blogger Jack S#*&it getting fit.  I wish I'd written it!

Once upon a morning fleeting, I was pondering what I was eating,
Logging in my early meal’s caloric score
I was finally able to finagle, how many carbs were in that bagel,
When suddenly there came a rapping, rapping on my kitchen door.
“'Tis my wife,” I softly muttered. “Returning from the grocery store.
Only this, and nothing more.”

I put down my bread (unbuttered), “Honey, is that you?” I uttered,
“Do you need some help with the groceries that you purchased at the store?”
Then a awful chill shot through me, when it suddenly came to me
That this rapping wasn’t from my spouse returning from the store.
In the window was the blackest, fattest bird I’ve seen before,
And he chirped out: “Eat some more.”

I gazed down at my morning spread, which had not left me well-fed.
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I’m on a diet, (and it appears that you should try it),
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my kitchen door.
Are you some mysterious beast that came from mythological lore?”
Quoth the raven: “Eat some more.”

So I flung open the pantry wide, to find the delicious food inside,
I grabbed cookies, cakes and crackers, then I scoured the shelves for more
Pop-Tarts, pretzels filled my arms: half a box of Lucky Charms,
I laid it all out on the table, rich and tasty snacks galore.
And perched at the window, just beside the kitchen door,
Laughed the raven: “Eat some more.”

Then this ebony bird beguiling (I could swear that he was smiling),
As he stared upon the table laden down with foodstuffs by the score
How did my morning meal turn into something so surreal?
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me why you want me eating, why do you put my will to war?
Quoth the raven, “Eat some more.”

Well, that devil, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
Sitting patiently and waiting right beside my kitchen door;
And he wants to see me cheating, only happy when I’m eating
And he’ll always be beside me no matter how much I ignore.
But my heart and soul are stronger than they’ve ever been before
And I shall be tempted - Nevermore!
apologies to Edgar Allen Poe

No comments:

Post a Comment