Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Thursday, June 2, 2011

Cancer

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Too tired yesterday to post.  Also, a little off-track---we had a work retreat with lunch.  Lunch was relatively ok, but what wasn't ok was the big dish of ice-cream with hot-fudge caramel and nuts that was for dessert.  ESPECIALLY since I had had a small dish of ice-cream the night before to celebrate Catherine getting a small CNA job.  I don't want to honestly track what I ate because it's difficult to estimate---plus I don't want to!  I've been pretty darn good these last few days (with the exception of the ice-cream) and I want to use the extra points for pizza tomorrow.  Irrational I know.  I'm trying to accept that this is a process.  Going to the ice-cream store Tuesday I could do it---I ordered a kids size scoop.  Yesterday I was free to have one-scoop or two and I was hanging in the balance and....just couldn't quite choose the 1 scoop option.  This was partly because being full from the lunch hadn't quite hit so I was still a little hungry.  There's nothing worse than still being a little hungry AFTER you've eaten.  Usually, of course, I stop being hungry in a little while--but I can never remember that (especially since it isn't ALWAYS the case)...so I assume if I'm a little hungry now, I'm going to be absolutely starving soon and the next meal is far away.   I did do a little extra Just Dance on the wii even though I was tired.  Today I'm back on track food-wise.  But again it's difficult to care very much whether I'm on or off.  The official word on Mom is back.  Stage 2 pancreatic cancer.  I don't know much about how long she has or if chemo will do the trick or just make her miserable.  The most important thing is that I have her today.

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