Brother. I've been feeling fat all weekend because my clothes were tight. Today I feel thin because my clothes are loose. Whatever!! I think overall I'm happy with last weekend. No doubt it was too much by way of calories etc, but it was what I know how to do and I didn't overdo what I knew--does that make sense? From here, I can learn to do better. One thing I learned (or began to) is that I can live without salad dressing. On Friday I got a slice of pizza and a ceasar salad. I forgot the packet of dressing and was too lazy to go back upstairs for it. I ate the salad dry and felt really good about it, because I knew the pizza and the breadstick already had plenty of calories, but without dressing the meal wasn't a total disaster. That night I didn't have pizza or go out, instead I had homemade crepes.
On Saturday, Dave was back and we went to Provo to get Catherine with the idea of going to the Renesannce festival at Thanksgiving Point. None of us had been before, but it was pouring rain so hard we had to pull off, so we had lunch at Zupas. I love their mushroom soup. We didn't go to the festival after all, instead we went to the dinosaur museum. Lots of fun! We were looking for a treat to eat, but the food was really boring. So we opted for ice-cream at the BYU creamery. I need to remember to order the child's scoop. The single scoop is ridiculously huge. Back home, I wanted something real, so I fixed us bacon, eggs and toast.
Yesterday was Dad's birthday. I instantly forgot about not needing dressing and glopped on the blue cheese. I think my real mistake there was 3 slices of garlic bread. I knew better. Was that justified because I was genuinely hungry? I dunno.
Today, I am STARVING. I don't know why. Maybe it's just hormones, but good grief!!! I've eaten plentifully and well! For breakfast I had a bowl of oatmeal with a whole peach and some nuts and a glass of milk. Snack was 1/2 sleeve of nuts and a big baggie of carrots. Lunch was a lean pocket sandwich, a whole can of progresso soup and a 100 cal bag of popcorn and 2 chocolates.
Snack again, because I'm starving is another whole sleeve of nuts. I have my class tonight and I can't wait to eat my meatloaf sandwich, olives and apple. I think I still have some yogurt in the fridge here. I'd better eat that too. Tomorrow I will not bring nuts. They are a good snack but not in huge quantities--today I've eaten about 400 cal in nuts alone. Too much!!!
Monday, September 29, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
PF Changs
Breakfast:
Peach (super good! I want more!)
cottage cheese
Slice of olive loaf w butter
slice of cheddar cheese
Exercise: Kettle bells--good workout
Snacks: rest of sleeve of nuts, zuchinni slices, werthers caramel
Lunch: 2 slices olive loaf, 6 slices deli roast beef with ff cream cheese, 1/5 oz about of cheddar cheese, cup o soup, garden tomato and onions, chocolate square.
Dinner: Drove to Provo and took C to PF Changs. Yummy!!! We got the dinner for two which included soup. 6 wontons (my fav!), mongolian beef, spicy honey shrimp and dessert. The two of us had no problem polishing off every bite of that delicious dinner. The meal included dessert so we ordered the vanilla cream wonton dessert. Boy!! If I could stick to desserts of that size, I'd be thin in no time. Two TINY little wontons--smaller even than the normal sized appetizer wontons, served with two raspberries. They were good, but seriously?? We wanted a real dessert and the restaurant was in the mall, so we stopped and got a pumpkin carmel cinnabon to share. I very rarely eat cinnabon stuff because it is a calorie and artery disaster, but that was good.
If I could just limit myself to a real cheat meal every week, I'd be fine, but I get so easily derailed by outside events. This week was the buffet with Dad, PF Changs, and tomorrow's renasannce festival. That's too much, too fast!!
Today is difficult too--I got home so late last night that I didn't fix my lunch. I'll eat at the food court here--the rationale is vaguely that it is Friday, so I'm "supposed" to eat pizza, so it's ok that I eat at the food court? yea, doesn't make sense to me either.
Peach (super good! I want more!)
cottage cheese
Slice of olive loaf w butter
slice of cheddar cheese
Exercise: Kettle bells--good workout
Snacks: rest of sleeve of nuts, zuchinni slices, werthers caramel
Lunch: 2 slices olive loaf, 6 slices deli roast beef with ff cream cheese, 1/5 oz about of cheddar cheese, cup o soup, garden tomato and onions, chocolate square.
Dinner: Drove to Provo and took C to PF Changs. Yummy!!! We got the dinner for two which included soup. 6 wontons (my fav!), mongolian beef, spicy honey shrimp and dessert. The two of us had no problem polishing off every bite of that delicious dinner. The meal included dessert so we ordered the vanilla cream wonton dessert. Boy!! If I could stick to desserts of that size, I'd be thin in no time. Two TINY little wontons--smaller even than the normal sized appetizer wontons, served with two raspberries. They were good, but seriously?? We wanted a real dessert and the restaurant was in the mall, so we stopped and got a pumpkin carmel cinnabon to share. I very rarely eat cinnabon stuff because it is a calorie and artery disaster, but that was good.
If I could just limit myself to a real cheat meal every week, I'd be fine, but I get so easily derailed by outside events. This week was the buffet with Dad, PF Changs, and tomorrow's renasannce festival. That's too much, too fast!!
Today is difficult too--I got home so late last night that I didn't fix my lunch. I'll eat at the food court here--the rationale is vaguely that it is Friday, so I'm "supposed" to eat pizza, so it's ok that I eat at the food court? yea, doesn't make sense to me either.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Buffalo chicken
Yesterday was a busy day psychologically. I'm glad it was a slow day at work so I could deal with it. I think Lisa and I made good progress straightening out the trust money. The plan was to go visiting teaching right after work, so I ran home and grabbed a snack. Sandra was sick, so I went around. Both ladies were out, so I was able to go to Michael's and get Dad's present and the ribbon i need to fix C's dress for the rennasaince festival on Saturday. I probably could/should have fixed the dress last night. I wasn't all that physically tired, but I thought I should be exhausted and so acted accordingly. Isn't that weird? Oh well, today is another day. I'll try to call Christine, I'll feel much better if I can get through to her. Then I think I'll be emotionally free to enjoy the weekend until Dad's birthday on Sunday. But I'll do my best to be emotionally free anyway and enjoy this day. It's a much easier day than yesterday. Whoa---stream of consciousness boring!! Here's the menu:
Breakfast:
Bagel, creamcheese, OJ
Snack: a few yam sticks, raw zuchinini, 1/2 sleeve nuts.
Lunch: Lean Pocket pizza, cucumber slop, 100 cal popcorn, 1 square drk. chocolate
Snack: Sm. Pretzel roll with ICB and cheese
Dinner: chicken with Franks hot sauce, 2 more pretzel rolls with ICB, olives, watermelon
Dessert: 2 choc chip cookies.
Breakfast:
Bagel, creamcheese, OJ
Snack: a few yam sticks, raw zuchinini, 1/2 sleeve nuts.
Lunch: Lean Pocket pizza, cucumber slop, 100 cal popcorn, 1 square drk. chocolate
Snack: Sm. Pretzel roll with ICB and cheese
Dinner: chicken with Franks hot sauce, 2 more pretzel rolls with ICB, olives, watermelon
Dessert: 2 choc chip cookies.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
A buffet
Ugh!! 205. However, some of that really is muscle from kettlebells and last nights buffet. I'm feeling very fat and dumpy (SHUT UP SUE ELLEN!!!!). It's okay. If I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to lose it the real way---by changing what I really can, and even though I'm unhappy with the way I look and feel right now, I think I AM making some progress that will eventually result in a healthy weight. I'll explain in a minute. And I'm going to try to be grateful for who and what I am. Sean just posted in great delight that he has reached 305 today!! I'm truly happy for him. And it is a great reminder that there are many out there who would be thrilled to weight what I do.
Anyway---yesterday
Breakfast: Bagel w cream cheese, 2 strips bacon, oj, milk
Exercise: Good workout. 18 laps and 228 kettle bell swings
Snack: 1/2 sleeve nuts
Lunch: 1 slice Papa John's greek Pepperoni pizza with a pan crust, cabbage salad prbly a 1/3 c blue cheese crumbles (felt like a lot) about 7 olives, sm. pretzel roll with butter. 1 square lindt dk sea salt choc.
Snack: low-fat oatmeal raisin bar.
Dinner: Chuck-A-Rama. UGH!! I had planned stuffed portobello mushrooms which are very healthy and I like them. But Dad called--he had to come up anyway and wanted to go to dinner. Chuck-a-rama is close (important when Dad is driving) and he likes it. I know I ate too many calories---but on the other hand, I didn't feel compelled to stuff myself silly. And I think that's the point! I ate until I was done both physically and psychologically, and to get to that point did NOT mean that I was groaning on my way out. I also didn't eat the sweet and sour chicken when it turned out not to be very good. That's a big deal--not eating something just because it's there. Here's what I remember that I ate:
First plate: The worst thing was probably the salad. I do love real blue cheese dressing and since I don't buy it for myself at home I tend to glop it on when I get a chance. Also lots of croutons.
some cornbread
1 BBQ chicken leg
1 coconut shrimp.
Second plate--plate not filled up:
about 6 more coconut shrimp with sauce
sliver of jello salad
sweet and sour chicken (uneaten)
Dessert; German chocolate cake (ate most of it, but left the middle once the frosting ran out. A tiny bit of applecrisp.
See? I don't think that's too bad for a buffet. But it's more than my body can handle and so I'll pay a price in pounds.
But I love that I wasn't compelled to just shovel it all in. There's hope yet!!
Anyway---yesterday
Breakfast: Bagel w cream cheese, 2 strips bacon, oj, milk
Exercise: Good workout. 18 laps and 228 kettle bell swings
Snack: 1/2 sleeve nuts
Lunch: 1 slice Papa John's greek Pepperoni pizza with a pan crust, cabbage salad prbly a 1/3 c blue cheese crumbles (felt like a lot) about 7 olives, sm. pretzel roll with butter. 1 square lindt dk sea salt choc.
Snack: low-fat oatmeal raisin bar.
Dinner: Chuck-A-Rama. UGH!! I had planned stuffed portobello mushrooms which are very healthy and I like them. But Dad called--he had to come up anyway and wanted to go to dinner. Chuck-a-rama is close (important when Dad is driving) and he likes it. I know I ate too many calories---but on the other hand, I didn't feel compelled to stuff myself silly. And I think that's the point! I ate until I was done both physically and psychologically, and to get to that point did NOT mean that I was groaning on my way out. I also didn't eat the sweet and sour chicken when it turned out not to be very good. That's a big deal--not eating something just because it's there. Here's what I remember that I ate:
First plate: The worst thing was probably the salad. I do love real blue cheese dressing and since I don't buy it for myself at home I tend to glop it on when I get a chance. Also lots of croutons.
some cornbread
1 BBQ chicken leg
1 coconut shrimp.
Second plate--plate not filled up:
about 6 more coconut shrimp with sauce
sliver of jello salad
sweet and sour chicken (uneaten)
Dessert; German chocolate cake (ate most of it, but left the middle once the frosting ran out. A tiny bit of applecrisp.
See? I don't think that's too bad for a buffet. But it's more than my body can handle and so I'll pay a price in pounds.
But I love that I wasn't compelled to just shovel it all in. There's hope yet!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
50 pound problem
I worked out hard today!! I'm really a true beginner workout-wise. I literally don't even know what it means to work out hard. I'm just beginning to learn. Let's see....yesterday
Breakfast: Yummy! 2 homemade crepes with a very small amount of nutella and jam, ff whipping cream and pecans, oj and milk. That held me pretty well.
Snack: 1/2 or so sleeve of nuts
Lunch: fajita meat, spinach, tomato, guac, light sourcream, homemade tortilla chips, 2 chocolates, fresca.
Snack: apple
Dinner: 3 small pretzel rolls, about 1.5 to 2 oz cheese, cup o soup, olives, 1 choc
Snack after class: hot-chocolate made with real milk and nestle's quik. ff whipping cream.
Exercise: Zero. Stress: High
I'm still loving see all of this laid out. It's helping me believe that I DO have a natural diet. I mean if I were on some weird plan, where all of this was laid out for me, it would be very difficult to follow, and I might even feel like eating a lot more. But this shows me that I actually do NOT eat an infinite amount. Even better---I might not even be that far off. I can't wait for technology to invent some kind of calorie counter that I could wear next to my skin that would detect the raise in temperature--or whatever when I ate, so that I could get a very accurate calorie count. Was the apple 80 cal or 84 or 106?
Looking back at yesterday--what could I, should I have changed? Not that much I think!! Breakfast was really ok, I went easy on the pecans and the milk is 1%. Lunch---I could have done with less sourcream--but at least it was light. Also, a few less chips--but they were the homemade kind--with only 50 cal for 8 chips. The chocolates---these aren't even the fun size. They are the little bite-size kind. Still though, I ought to cut back to one. After all, my body doesn't need any. I also should have added some more vegetables.
I'm always hearing about how small changes make a big difference, but I have a hard time believing it, because even big changes don't seem to make all that big of a difference. Example---I went from a sedentary life-style to a job where I walked and lifted boxes 8 hours a day. Zilch. However, when I went to Japan and became more sedentary---30 pounds. Food-wise, it seems as though I have to go to drastic measures to achieve anything. It's beyond frustrating!!!
However, I did see in my kettle-bell class how small changes really do add up. Today's work out was running laps alternating with kettle-bell swings. We were supposed to run 2,4,6,6,4,2 laps if we could, but were free to cut it back if we had to. I had to. I couldn't have finished the workout in time if I hadn't. I ran 2,3,4,4,3,2 for a total of 18 laps. The real workout had 24 laps. Six laps is a big difference. Maybe in the world of food knocking out those little things that add up really will make a difference.
Breakfast: Yummy! 2 homemade crepes with a very small amount of nutella and jam, ff whipping cream and pecans, oj and milk. That held me pretty well.
Snack: 1/2 or so sleeve of nuts
Lunch: fajita meat, spinach, tomato, guac, light sourcream, homemade tortilla chips, 2 chocolates, fresca.
Snack: apple
Dinner: 3 small pretzel rolls, about 1.5 to 2 oz cheese, cup o soup, olives, 1 choc
Snack after class: hot-chocolate made with real milk and nestle's quik. ff whipping cream.
Exercise: Zero. Stress: High
I'm still loving see all of this laid out. It's helping me believe that I DO have a natural diet. I mean if I were on some weird plan, where all of this was laid out for me, it would be very difficult to follow, and I might even feel like eating a lot more. But this shows me that I actually do NOT eat an infinite amount. Even better---I might not even be that far off. I can't wait for technology to invent some kind of calorie counter that I could wear next to my skin that would detect the raise in temperature--or whatever when I ate, so that I could get a very accurate calorie count. Was the apple 80 cal or 84 or 106?
Looking back at yesterday--what could I, should I have changed? Not that much I think!! Breakfast was really ok, I went easy on the pecans and the milk is 1%. Lunch---I could have done with less sourcream--but at least it was light. Also, a few less chips--but they were the homemade kind--with only 50 cal for 8 chips. The chocolates---these aren't even the fun size. They are the little bite-size kind. Still though, I ought to cut back to one. After all, my body doesn't need any. I also should have added some more vegetables.
I'm always hearing about how small changes make a big difference, but I have a hard time believing it, because even big changes don't seem to make all that big of a difference. Example---I went from a sedentary life-style to a job where I walked and lifted boxes 8 hours a day. Zilch. However, when I went to Japan and became more sedentary---30 pounds. Food-wise, it seems as though I have to go to drastic measures to achieve anything. It's beyond frustrating!!!
However, I did see in my kettle-bell class how small changes really do add up. Today's work out was running laps alternating with kettle-bell swings. We were supposed to run 2,4,6,6,4,2 laps if we could, but were free to cut it back if we had to. I had to. I couldn't have finished the workout in time if I hadn't. I ran 2,3,4,4,3,2 for a total of 18 laps. The real workout had 24 laps. Six laps is a big difference. Maybe in the world of food knocking out those little things that add up really will make a difference.
Monday, September 22, 2014
At a loss
I'm at a bit of a loss today. Not physically, unfortunately. Just at loose ends. I had a wonderful weekend with Catherine and didn't bother to write down food. I'm writing down today.
I've wasted a lot of time today because I'm anxious. I finally got Ameriprise to give me access to the accounts I should have had access to all along. I Don'T have access to all the history, so I'm still not quite sure who is supposed to get how much. I have a rough idea. And I've emailed Lisa because I think some of the money is supposed to be hers. The anxiety is coming from the prospect of having to dig through a lot of stuff, or worse, having to ask Lisa to dig, to figure everything out. Also, now that I can see the money, I should be able to get Christine moved into a new home. This is scary for a lot of reasons. All I'm sure of is that the actual getting her moved will be a force 10 stress producing headache. I'm waiting on Lisa for this too because if I can get her moved either Riley will need to switch schools, or Lisa will have to make arrangements. I want to do what's best for Riley and Lisa is the best judge of that.
I hate dealing with money and I really hate dealing with emotionally loaded emails. Ugh! Meanwhile, I don't have quite enough to do at work, which is kind of nice, but because of anxiety, I'm not using the time very productively. I just don't seem to want to prioritize. As far as non-work stuff---there are a number of things I'd like to do:
Work on the 7 furies of dev math paper (a little anxiety producing itself)
Finish the NYC trip on my blog
Also--add St. George trip once I get the pics uploaded.
Study for my class
Practice drawing.
But I think I'll take a short walk now. It does not help that today I drove to work. I've needed to burn off some stress.
I've wasted a lot of time today because I'm anxious. I finally got Ameriprise to give me access to the accounts I should have had access to all along. I Don'T have access to all the history, so I'm still not quite sure who is supposed to get how much. I have a rough idea. And I've emailed Lisa because I think some of the money is supposed to be hers. The anxiety is coming from the prospect of having to dig through a lot of stuff, or worse, having to ask Lisa to dig, to figure everything out. Also, now that I can see the money, I should be able to get Christine moved into a new home. This is scary for a lot of reasons. All I'm sure of is that the actual getting her moved will be a force 10 stress producing headache. I'm waiting on Lisa for this too because if I can get her moved either Riley will need to switch schools, or Lisa will have to make arrangements. I want to do what's best for Riley and Lisa is the best judge of that.
I hate dealing with money and I really hate dealing with emotionally loaded emails. Ugh! Meanwhile, I don't have quite enough to do at work, which is kind of nice, but because of anxiety, I'm not using the time very productively. I just don't seem to want to prioritize. As far as non-work stuff---there are a number of things I'd like to do:
Work on the 7 furies of dev math paper (a little anxiety producing itself)
Finish the NYC trip on my blog
Also--add St. George trip once I get the pics uploaded.
Study for my class
Practice drawing.
But I think I'll take a short walk now. It does not help that today I drove to work. I've needed to burn off some stress.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Careful.....
I forgot to look and make improvements yesterday, so things felt out of whack. I knew I was going to have a pretzel roll for lunch, so for some reason I didn't want a bready thing for breakfast. I didn't take the time to make oatmeal or eggs--actually, I don't think eggs even occurred to me. Somehow the solution was a poptart and some graham crackers with PB2, also milk and OJ I knew at the time that this was ridiculous. but it was early and I was at a bit of a loss. At least I threw away some of the graham crackers when I realized that I didn't want them.
Snack: Finish trail mix
Lunch: Pretzel roll, 3 slices salami, 2 oz cheese, cup o soup. Peach quarter.
Snack: drk choc. 100 cal cookies--I actually didn't want the cookies, I think I ate them because I knew I loved shortbread cookies, and I couldn't mentally compute not wanting shortbread cookies. Strange thinking that! If I love a food, shouldn't I want to eat it when I will love it the most?
Snack: a few carrots
Dinner: Another pretzel roll with a chicken burger patty, chips and dip and watermelon.
Dessert: 1/2 chocolate melting cake.
Exercise: Walk to work.
Catherine is coming home for the weekend. This means enjoy food because I can, and there will still be food after she leaves.
Snack: Finish trail mix
Lunch: Pretzel roll, 3 slices salami, 2 oz cheese, cup o soup. Peach quarter.
Snack: drk choc. 100 cal cookies--I actually didn't want the cookies, I think I ate them because I knew I loved shortbread cookies, and I couldn't mentally compute not wanting shortbread cookies. Strange thinking that! If I love a food, shouldn't I want to eat it when I will love it the most?
Snack: a few carrots
Dinner: Another pretzel roll with a chicken burger patty, chips and dip and watermelon.
Dessert: 1/2 chocolate melting cake.
Exercise: Walk to work.
Catherine is coming home for the weekend. This means enjoy food because I can, and there will still be food after she leaves.
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