Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Monday, September 22, 2014

At a loss

I'm at a bit of a loss today. Not physically, unfortunately. Just at loose ends. I had a wonderful weekend with Catherine and didn't bother to write down food. I'm writing down today.

I've wasted a lot of time today because I'm anxious. I finally got Ameriprise to give me access to the accounts I should have had access to all along. I Don'T have access to all the history, so I'm still not quite sure who is supposed to get how much. I have a rough idea. And I've emailed Lisa because I think some of the money is supposed to be hers. The anxiety is coming from the prospect of having to dig through a lot of stuff, or worse, having to ask Lisa to dig, to figure everything out. Also, now that I can see the money, I should be able to get Christine moved into a new home. This is scary for a lot of reasons. All I'm sure of is that the actual getting her moved will be a force 10 stress producing headache. I'm waiting on Lisa for this too because if I can get her moved either Riley will need to switch schools, or Lisa will have to make arrangements. I want to do what's best for Riley and Lisa is the best judge of that.

I hate dealing with money and I really hate dealing with emotionally loaded emails. Ugh!  Meanwhile, I don't have quite enough to do at work, which is kind of nice, but because of anxiety, I'm not using the time very productively. I just don't seem to want to prioritize. As far as non-work stuff---there are a number of things I'd like to do:

Work on the 7 furies of dev math paper (a little anxiety producing itself)
Finish the NYC trip on my blog
Also--add St. George trip once I get the pics uploaded.
Study for my class
Practice drawing.

But I think I'll take a short walk now. It does not help that today I drove to work. I've needed to burn off some stress.

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