Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Ugh Boredom strikes again

Ugh! Boredom, plus taking Catherine to college, plus a surprise trip to St. George to see plays has blown me way off track. Worse, I have no special desire to get back ON track. I want to work on things in a slightly different way until I feel as though I want to make a formal effort again.

1. Work on Faith in regards to losing weight. Deep deep down I don't think I really believe I will ever change, so I think I make sure that I don't. I need to take deep breaths and let myself experience the sheer joy whenever I don't want to overeat, or I do want to exercise or I feel lean or whatever. Relax! Enjoy!

2. Silence Sue Ellen.  I just read one of my favorite hilarious mystery books by a new favorite author, Laura Levine. The bad person in this book was Sue Ellen, who was unbelievably cruel to her slightly chubby 15 year old step daughter. Once Sue Ellen was murdered, the teenager was much happier and mentioned to the detective that she actually didn't feel like eating nearly as much now that Sue Ellen was gone. It's the same point that Intuitive Eating makes. Fire the food police and trust your body. Happily, my inner Sue-Ellen isn't as vicious as the book version, but I DO have a food police and I usually am not too happy with how I look and feel. Enough! I am perfectly fine exactly as I am. If I choose to work out or eat better, it is only for general improvement like any other endeavor. It is NOT because I am lacking. On the contrary---given my history, I have every reason to weigh 400 pounds. That I don't is a great success. My appearance is perfectly fine.

3. Keep a food journal for my class and also to track down what's going on with my legs.
The last year or so I've been having terrible cramps in my feet and legs, especially at night, but sometimes in the daytime too. Weirdly, the cramps are much worse whenever I try and follow an eating plan. To compound the difficulty, the cramps really do seem to go in cycles. I'll have several months where I'm not much bothered at all and then months where it's a major problem. Still, there really does seem to be a correlation between food and cramps. So for the next 21 days or so at least I'm going to track my food here.  This semester I'm taking a kettlebell class. She wants us to set a goal--so this will be mine--to track my food and at the beginning of each day see what I CAN do that day to be healthy and maybe avoid some of the pitfalls of the previous day. This officially starts Thursday, but what the heck. It won't hurt to do it now.

Breakfast: thin bagel with garden veggie cream cheese, blueberries with 1 cup milk and splenda 2 strips bacon.
Lunch: chicken breast with franks hot sauce, blue cheese crumbles (1/3 cup), peas, large homemade rosemary roll.
Dessert: Two chocolates. Later, a roll of smarties.
Morning Stress level-through the roof---worried that I'd lost more than $50,000.  Ninety minute conversation with financial advisors. Found money and more---also got next installment for Christine. Still hugely annoyed at the length of time this is all taking. But feeling weak with relief that the money is there.
Exercise: Could not walk to work. Lamish effort in kettlebell---I couldn't do the movement very well, and I think I was overly cautious not to hurt my knees.
Snack--a couple of carrots and peas from work veggie tray
Exercise: Mowed lawn
Dinner--Zuccas--to celebrate that I haven't lost the money after all. Salad, too much bread and oil, cheese, meat and nuts from platter, small amount. Butternut squash  ravioli. Realized that I wasn't hungry any more and only ate about 1 1/2 ravioli's so I could have them for lunch today.
Dessert--small glass milk and brownie. Didn't finish brownie. Brought it to work.
What I realistically could have done better--I really didn't want all of that huge lunch roll. I ate it out of boredom and habit.

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