Yesterday:
Breakfast: banana "pancakes" (1 mashed banana plus 2 eggs), glass of milk
Snack mini reeses, lots of raw veggies from the tray at work
Feeling: really hungry
Lunch: Leftover butternut squash ravioli--a normal portion, I think.
100 everything bagel with 1 laughing cow
about 8 olives
sm brownie---also leftover from last night.
Snack: 1/2 brueggers bagel with schmear---from work
sm. dark chocolate
Dinner: Large porkchop with white gravy (cooking light receipe--but didn't seem very light), mashed potatoes, corn.
Finally felt full enough, but could easily have eaten more
Dessert: 2 pumpkin cookies with brown butter frosting and sm. glass milk.
Exercise: walk to and from work, 1/2 hour gentle bike while reading
Cramping: minimal
Ok, that is a LOT of food. And it didn't do the trick. What was going on? Breakfast was healthy, but I did use sugar-free syrup on the pancakes--and maybe the chemicals there triggered some hunger? Also, there were no bread-like carbs (I guess the milk and carrots had carbs, but they don't feel like carbs. Was that why I was so hungry at lunch? My body definitely wanted that bagel at lunch. I only meant to have a bite of the Brueggers bagel, but I caved and had half--which at least is better than a whole one. Dinner was fine in as much that I was really hungry for it---corn and potato are starchy, but otherwise healthy. Problem was portion size. That porkchop was huge. The cookies were pure craving--a saw the recipe weeks ago and have been wanting them ever since.
Anyway---looking back, there seems to be quite a lot of white flour food---the ravioli, both bagels, the gravy the cookies. Today, I tried a whole wheat thin bagel, and a banana with PB2 and milk. After kettlebell, I didn't "have" to eat, but I did eat some deli ham with fat free cream cheese to help my muscles rebuild. This always feels weird to me---eating because I'm actually "supposed" to--because I'm benefitting my body. Even better, there was a slight twinge of childish, "I don't wanna eat that" reaction going on. Bravo!!!!!
The "revelation" I hope will come from tracking food while I'm off the wagon is the same one I got several years ago about fast food. I learned that although I love the taste of fast-food, it does NOT fill me up. I got annoyed when I went to Arbys and had a giant roast beef, a large curly fry, a turnover, plus lots of horsey sauce and was STILL hungry. Not fair!!! If I spend that much money and eat that much food I expect to be full!!! I felt resentful and that feeling has been a permanent benefit to me. I HOPE that as I track food, I might begin to notice patterns---if I'm eating huge amounts of food that are actually making me hungrier, as well as fatter--then that upsets me enough to want to look for other food that does what it's supposed to do.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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