I posted this on facebook yesterday
Darn it! I've torn my meniscus in two places and the surgery sounded wonderful---fix the tears, clean up some of the arthritis, take out a random floating piece of cartilidge, But the surgeon took an x-ray and my arthritis is too far gone. He thinks it might not be my meniscus that's bothering me--apparently most people with knees like mine have tears, but that I aggravated the arthritis. He didn't think surgery would help that much and wanted to try a steroid shot first. Darn it. I've had those shots before--they DO help, but I'm having a hard time believing it'll help in this case which feels different. Besides, those shots really hurt!
Last night was indeed tough, but it's much better now. Not as good as it was before I got the shot, but I'm on the right road. I went to harp lesson anyway last night to take my mind off of it and it really worked! Not only was I not thinking about my leg, but I played really, really well. The focus made all the difference. Perhaps my teacher should give me a hard smack with a baseball bat before each lesson.
Yesterday's 1500 cal was surprisingly easy. I don't know if being in pain helped or what, but the roast beef sandwich and baked chips from Subway held me just fine until dinner. Dinner was a rich stew with a potato and the only reason I finished was because the day's calories were already so low, I didn't want to shut down my metabolism by starving. So I finished the stew and afterward made a lemon torte with raspberries for work, but I cheated, and skimmed some off for a dessert for me and Dave. I need to make this more often. Super satisfying and very few calories. It's only fault is that it isn't chocolate. But I guess all food can't be chocolate.
I've also been thinking about diets in general and my own seemingly aimless journey. Here's an analogy: If a person's eating problems are like a broken car--that person might fix the engine and the car still wont run, the transmission no, the clutch, not yet, the battery--it's making noises but still no, and so on and on and on until everything is fixed except the starter and then they fix the starter and Hooray!!! The diet engine runs! It was so simple, just this little wire in the starter that's all it was all along!! And off the person goes to write a book. And that person is right. It WAS the starter--and all the other stuff too.
Hopefully my journey has been all about fixing the car.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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