Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Monday, January 5, 2015

New Start---again

Here's to a new start---again. Not much excitement going on here, but a little more acceptance, that spinning my wheels isn't a total loss. I forgot to weigh myself today--which is probably a good thing. I did weigh myself Friday morning just to get the initial shock over with--207. That's both good and bad news. It's one pound shy of where I started with weight watchers. Hooray. I really showed them didn't I? But at least I didn't do the infamous--gain it all back and then some.

The very good news is that 207 is FAR better than I think I deserve. I was really out of control pretty much from Halloween onwards. Sometimes, I do love my body. God Bless it, it really does take almost as long to put weight on as it does to pull it off. I could be in much bigger trouble. I'm trying very hard not to fret too much about the number. I don't know what it means--did I gain muscle with kettlebell? Did I lose muscle now since I've been hurt? Am I just a giant marshmellow? Short of taking a body composition test (which I'd REALLY rather not do) who knows? I'll just keep trying. I think it's a good sign that I genuinely forgot to weigh this morning.

The bad news is that now I think I can get away with stuff. I ALWAYS think this when it comes to weight control. And the answer is---yes, and no. Yes, I can eat today and not pay a noticeable price. But no, I can't eat today and not pay ANY price. Stuff is going on internally, and it's going to manifest in scary ways. My leg and hand are really hurting for example--I don't know how much is due to inflammation, but I bet what I've been eating hasn't helped. So, try and try and try again.

Today is 1700 cal. I made some zero point soup (sort of) last night. I planned the menu, but I didn't plan the soup since I had Dave get the stuff for it a long time ago. His version of zero point soup has diced potatoes, which I think is not right. Also, we're out of tomatoes. It's ok, I just opened a can of chicken broth, green beans, carrots, diced potatos and mushrooms and heated that up---it's as flavorless as it sounds, I put in a couple chicken boullion cubes and some italian seasoning. I'm ok with this this week. Happily, I never have to eat it again if I don't want to. There are some other zero point soups that sound genuinely fabulous. I'm making the oriental one next week. I just wanted to have it on hand for when I struggle with hunger. As far as the zero point list goes, I think I'll modify it a little. I'm accepting it as zero--but if I have a day where I seem to be wolfing down fruits, I'll count some of them. Also, if I don't lose weight on this plan I'll have to count the fruits and veggie. But for now, I'm not worrying about the soup, or the clemetine, or celery I ate. Feels nice.

So today the menu looks like this:

Breakfast--two slices of Ezekiel bread with 2 tbls of organic peanut butter. 1 cup milk
Snack--clementine, some animal crackers.
Lunch---a roughly 300 cal portion of penne pasta--a WW recipe, but I wasn't on the wagon when I made it so it had extra cheese. 1 roughly 100 cal (I hope) portion of new Papa Murphy cheesy bread. 1 of Jennifer's marshmallow rice balls--I'm saying that's 50 cal. It's mostly marshmallow.

Tonight I'm making a yummy sounding "ham strata" receipe. I got a cooking light cookbook for Christmas and it's from there. It includes fontina cheese and sourdough bread so I'm hoping for great things.

It's too cold still to walk to work. So I'll be sure to do at least a 1/2 hour of something at home. I'm pretty happy with and today and this week--it's a gentle easing in. I'm too overfull to be hungry and today has a lot of carbs. This week also has a high fiber and a free day. I nearly put the free day back, but no. I think it will help me stick to things overall to nail into my head that food isn't going away.

A little thankfulness

That we got Catherine back to school allright
That she's worthy and able to be at BYU
animal crackers
That I can get to the doctor on Thursday
That I've been able to clear away a lot of work today
That Dave doesn't "help" around the house. He's fully my equal---superior actually.

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