Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

440 Hey hey!!!

184 the day before weigh day!! Honestly, I'd be so much happier if I threw away the scale, but it's not going to happen. I kind of like weighing on both Thurs and Fri and then I can pick the lower of the weights and feel justified about it. :) But I'm really excited about this!!! Apparently the 1800 cal IS working!! And I feel SOOOO much better. I'm eating exactly what I want to, much more than I felt able to on WW. I really do think I was short on fats on WW--this was at least partly my fault for not following the program properly--ww wants you to have 2 tsp of oil every day--that's fine, but they also wanted me to count those oil points! No WAY! The points are too chintzy as it is! Anyway, I'm feeling much more contented both physically and psychologically. Also, it's helping right now to have a lot of calories to count--really, it doesn't translate into all that much food, but when I have 1800--and lots of things are only a few calories--like carrots--those are only 35, it makes me feel like I have tons of calories left. And even last night when I planned to blow 450 on a hamburger--that still gave me lots of calories to work with for the rest of the day. That hamburger worked out well---again I took pretzel sticks and an apple to eat with it on the way to SLC and it was great. I honestly enjoyed it and wasn't feeling like I really wanted fries. I really didn't, and I think it's because I'd had enough fats earlier in the day. Today is interesting psychologically too. I was a little hungry when I went to bed last night and I didn't mind. This morning I didn't make a very filling choice for breakfast--2 granola bars a banana and some milk. But I brought some cherries and some pretzels and dip for a snack so I felt abundant--I was eating the cherries on the desk and thank goodness I had a cancellation because I was STARVING for lunch. The thing is though, I didn't mind starving. I just finished a thin bagel with cheese, an entire can of lite progresso chicken soup, 10 olives, and the pretzels and dip--plus a few carrots and red pepper strips. It was a light lunch and even now, I just feel okay physically--it's been a light food day so far. But for some reason I don't mind. I'll be having a great big helping of spaghetti later on with some bread and a ww ice-cream bar too if I want. I guess I just feel as though I have some room to move. I feel as though there are enough calories that I really can have snacks and desserts and reasonable meals--which I never really felt free to do on ww. Oddly, I'm liking being able to go below the calorie limit too if I want. I'd never want to go much below, but it comforts me to know that if I skip dessert or something I won't throw my body into starvation mode. Again, unlike WW which is always at rock bottom, so you really don't want to leave points uneaten at the end of the day (not that that was ever a problem). I will say though, if and when I succeed in this venture I will owe a debt to WW. Much as I fight and whine about it, it has helped me with portion control in breakfast at least and helped me find wonderful recipes and also--by fighting with ww, I've learned to be more contented with 1800. This isn't the first time I've tried 1800, but this IS the first time I've felt happy with it. Mostly today I'm just happy to be heading down in the right direction again.

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