Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Monday, June 4, 2012

430 cake

Love cheese curds and ate way too many because it was fast Sunday so I could--right? Whatever! Yesterday's discoveries were both good--the pork with peaches and plums from weightwatchers was really good and satisfying. And the chocolate ganache cake was GREAT. It didn't come out of the pan very well--but other than that---wow, yum!!! I need to write that recipe down and put it in my little yellow file of really good recipes. Also, I need to hole punch the Hungry Girl receipies and put them where they belong before they get all lost and mangled. I've put out a plea on facebook for motivation and I think I'll spend some time on the OA website. I have some time today--I think I'll also look and see if the lds 12 step program is online. It would really help time-wise if it were. The other thing I'm thinking about is taking a break from Weight Watchers and counting calories for awhile. I seem to be doing more or less all right maintaing--what I need is help losing. Diet plans are like exercise plans--they certainly get boring after awhile!!! Maybe I need to change things up a little bit--just like I change exercise up a little bit. I don't want to do anything unhealthy and it all amounts to the same thing--eat less, eat less, eat less--but maybe I'll be better able to actually EAT LESS with some variety in the plans. I'll have to think about what I want to do. I'm motivated by another story of a girl who lost 100 lbs by eating 1500 cal a day--the same as Sean. I liked her--she admitted that hunger was a big problem, but she would think to herself that "the fat cells are dying." She's now at 230 and hopes to get to 200. 1500 cal is too little for me--but I might try a range of between 1800 and 2000. Maybe the 1800 can be whatever I want--even junk food, but if I need more and go up to the 2000 then that last 200 cal needs to be healthy stuff. Maybe I can do that for a month and then come back to weight watchers? I can still use weight watchers "simply filling" days if I really get to starving. I just want to get to 170 and then maintain at that level for awhile. I like the maintaining phase--I can practice intuitive eating and let my body adjust to that level so I don't have to exist on tiny portions to maintain the new weight--but I need to GET to 170 and I'm having a devil of a time actually making the decision to do what I need to do. I'm just WANTING those cheese curds or whatever much more than I'm wanting to get to 170. It's as though I'm a little kid with no concept of self-denial or delayed gratification at all. Maybe I've just begun to hit the root of the crazy behavior and thinking and my mind is protecting the craziness--maybe that's why I'm fighting so hard against change--the solution--is to keep trying---maybe I'm closer to success than I realize and it's triggering all kinds of bad behaviors. Press on! Press on!
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