Oh crud. 187. Up two pounds from last week. Not good. At least I'm holding steady in the 180's and that still feels really good to me. Tomorrow we're going to BYU--that means eating out. I think I"ll have Subways rather than J-Dawgs, but dinner will likely be a problem. It's not that restaraunt eating can't be done--it's just that I don't WANT to control myself at a restaraunt. Rebel dieter for sure!! I seem to be determined to lose weight while still hanging on to bad thinking and habits. Tomorrow aside, this coming week I'm keeping things down to 2,000 cal period. If I'm dying, maybe I'll do a week of the simply filling plan.
Today should be reasonable--but that's why I need to count. Reasonable yes, but weight loss reasonable? Doubt it. In fact, I'm feeling rebellious and mutinous. I just want to be done with the weight off. I don't want to keep working on something that I never wanted to work on in the first place. Maybe that's one of the deep tap-roots of the problem. I never wanted the problem, so I don't want to work on it. Childish and silly attitude maybe, but very real just the same.
Still---I may be slow, and stubborn and stupidly fighting--but darn it, I'm still down 21 pounds from where I was this time last year! The jeans I'm wearing today are problematic because they are loose, and I'm working hard on exercise.
I'm going to try to cut myself a lot of slack---not by way of overeating, but by way of trying not to be so hard on myself for failing over and over and over and over. All the difficulties of weightloss aside, this has been a hard year by any standards. I got a daughter through the end of highschool and sent off to college. I'm still new at my job. My mother came down with a severe form of cancer, my father is falling to pieces in catastrophic ways, my sister's drug problem is coming to a crisis. I have a major calling in my church. Maybe I'm doing well to be making ANY kind of progress at all. Most importantly, I haven't quit, and I'm not going to quit. I have my eye on being able to run a 5K--not walk it, JOG it. If counting the calories doesn't produce results then I'll go back to WW and maybe be there with a little more respect for the program. It's the turtle that won the race after all. It's just that today I feel like a turtle with three legs and foot problems.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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