I've writing this today while I wait for the tortilla chips to cook and then I'm taking an early nap. I'm clearly better but tired. The backed corn ships are great--I've also made a spinach dip. The good food is something I really enjoy when I'm trying to eat right. Paradoxically, because there is so much that is restricted, I have to go out of my way to cook all kinds of yummy things that aren't restricted so I can survive with some kind of happiness and the result is very happy indeed--the food is MUCH more satisfying and appealing and fun than when I just eat whatever. When I eat whatever I quickly fall into a rut. I fall into ruts with WW too, but they are a little more diversified. This week I'm counting points carefully and so I have chips in the oven, a spinach dip in the fridge and plans to make date bars for mornings (super yummy). I haven't figured out dinner tonight because it's leftovers--probably goulash and salad, but for lunch I'm having 30 chips, up to 1/4 of the dip (unlikely I'll eat that much), some clementines and some roast beef sandwiches on homemade sourdough bread.
The thing I keep forgetting is WHY I'm doing this? This is such a no-brainer, but I honestly forget that eating right will result in lower numbers on the scale, smaller clothing sizes, better skin, lower counts on things like cholesterol and lots of other wonders. I forget this because when I think of losing weight I'm usually thinking of dreams--being a size 10, weighing 155--not having this problem anymore. I forget that if I count my points and exercise this week, I might see 184 on the scale, and that is an exciting number! Not all of the clothes Dave got me 2 years ago look good yet---but it's almost there. SO--I'm not counting points just as a meaningless exercise in frustration, but because I want the results that it brings me. Maybe I should chant that like a mantra.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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