Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Irrational

How can there possibly be this much to say about food? I know this blog has about a six week life span before I get bored with it, but I will try to push through and maintain it because I think it's valuable--all the more so when I don't want to keep it.

 Today I feel irrational.  I've only been trying new eating patterns for what? Five days? WHERE ARE THE RESULTS??  Worse yet, I don't just want any old results--I want spectacular results!  The problem is trust.  The big advantage to WW or Nutri-system or whatever is that I have faith that those programs will work--I've never been able to stick to them, but IF I ever did, I'm confident in the result.  I'm not confident in this program--I'm not suffering enough.  I'm definitley not confident in myself.  So, I want a sign and I want it fast.

Even as I type that I can't help but remember that within the last 5 days I've had movie popcorn, brownies, cherry pie, scones with whipping cream and biscuits.  Could I make better choices?  I honestly don't know that I can at this point.  I want to scream at the invisible Gods of weightloss--those who tell me they know how this should be done and who would presumably not approve of my choices--that I AM making better choices! I didn't eat all those things in the same day everyday like I wanted too.  I've passed up all kinds of things in favor of fruits and veggies.  This is an old grievance--in every other aspect of life, effort yields rewards--except weight loss. Even a little effort yields a little reward--except weight loss.  I HATE curtailing what I eat when I have no faith that my efforts will make the slightest difference. 

   I'm being silly and I know it.  For starters my efforts over a lifetime HAVE made a difference--I don't weigh 300 lbs and at 46 I have no serious health issues.  I just need to be patient.  I AM eating much better. Eventually good things will happen. I just wish there was some kind of monitor that would say--"Congratulations! Today's efforts resulted in less plaque in your arteries, less stress on your kidneys and 2% better brain function."

Patience is not one of my virtues.  And the scary thing is--this post represents how I feel about food on a good day.  I'm actually not feeling deprived or angry at all.  This is simply a brief touch on baseline resentment. Let's try the gratitude thing--

Today I'm glad that I can walk both ways to wk. Glad for the weather, glad for the time and glad for the ability to do it! There are many who can't even walk down the street.  I'm looking forward to a baguette with chicken and melted cheese for lunch.  I haven't been very hungry today, so I didn't eat my lean breakfast pocket which was putting both the calories and fat on the high side today.  Sugar cravings seem to be subsiding somewhat.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Anneli
    This is Holly from Students In Motion. I just wanted to tell you that I am really enjoying reading your blog. It is very entertaining. I think it is awesome that you are writing this stuff. It will help you in the long run for sure! Don't give up. Those hang ups happen to us all. The only thing that has finally helped me is being diagnosed with wheat allergies. It is amazing how much food has wheat in it, so my food selection was cut drastically! Anyway, just wanted to let you know I LOVE this blog!

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