Wow! Thank you Weber State walking group. Two people said the right thing and apparently today was the day I was in the right psychological spot to hear it. We had a brief intro to intuitive eating and one lady said that intuitive eating was very hard for her because she had such severe food allergies--to wheat, milk, oranges and who knows what else. Not surprisingly she's really been struggling. All I could think was how much I would hate that. One of my big fears is diabetes--not because it's dangerous, but because I would feel so terribly restricted. With as much resentment as I carry now toward any kind of food limitation, what would I feel if I had some medical problem? After the lesson came the walking. I walked with a different person today--Chelsea. Thank you Chelsea!! She was talking about her sister-in-law who had diabetes and is on dialysis and has all kinds of horrible health problems and restrictions. Tough stuff--and this sister-in-law is bitter and angry about it to the point where she rarely smiles and takes very little joy in anything. Would I be like that? I like to think that with most tragedies I would have a reasonable amount of fortitude and courage, but with food?? Probably yesterday, I WOULD have become miserable and resentful. I've felt plenty resentful about food even without a disease. But as of today, I think I would be much less so. I wouldn't want to turn into some embittered old hag on any account. I sure hope I'm never tested, but if I developed some awful disease and could never have the foods I love again---I think now I could better remember that food is ONE part of my life and I could take joy in all the other parts--my family, my hobbies, this beautiful world--a million things. It would be a very hard trial for me and I hope I never have to face it--but I would do much better now. Thanks to this breakthrough, I believe that my efforts here and now have suddenly become easier.
I've also forgiven the Lean and Free book today for not being perfect. I rediscovered a pineapple chicken recipe that I really liked, and also remembered a few others that are terrific. As for the "veggie pizza"---I'm grateful for that too because if I make it on an english muffin or lite bagel or something it's a fantastically good snack!!! The spread is just fat free cream cheese mixed with a little dill weed and onion powder to taste. I'll be eating this a whole lot more in the future.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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