Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Saturday, February 19, 2011

Back to normal obese

Phew---the wii says I'm back to my normal BMI obese level (a low 32)---this as opposed to the other day when I was a whole two points higher.  This makes me very happy because I feel as though I've been eating a great plenty. For example yesterday I ate:
2 bagel things with garden veggie cream cheese, banana, 8 oz milk, a little (3 oz?) leftover gyro meat, a big serving of homemade tzakikii sauce, whole tomato, apple, about 5 big celery boats with PB2 (fake peanut butter that really works) and raisins, 1/2 can beef soup (had planned for a whole can but wasn't hungry), a ferro rocher chocolate, 4 mini pizzas made on muffin halves with pepperoni, cheese and mushrooms, a big salad with feta cheese, two jalapenos w/ cream cheese and a whole package of cherry jello with chocolate sauce.  Not bad!! that came to 2073 cal and 25.9% fat.  At the end of the day I was still a little hungry though.  It was ok however, because I knew I could have had something if I'd really wanted.  I was just too lazy to think about it.

Today's plan is slightly higher cal, but lower fat 2353 and 20.9% fat.  I'm excited though because I'm making my favorite spinach dip and we're  having hamburgers and oven fries for dinner--another favorite.  I'm also making new recipe of pumpkin carrot muffins and plan to have one with a glass of milk after dinner.

Movie popcorn wise----I've decided not to worry too much about it.  Should I eat the whole 11 cups all by myself--the cal total would go to 3263 and 34.6% fat.  Not great, by any means, but still only about as bad as my "normal" patterns.  I think a lot of my problem comes from movie popcorn types of things.  Overall good habits, but then 1000 cal popcorn, or 1,500 cal at Olive Garden add to that daily "oops" consumptions of things like valentine's candy, sleeves of nuts, wedges of cheese--those can add anywhere from 500 to 1000 extra cals on a daily basis plus really up the fat content.  I think this is what is keeping me overweight--because my actual meals are usually not too bad, and I do walk a lot, so I tend to feel resentful because I think I ought to weigh less than I do.  I wonder if I should have been grateful all these years not to weigh 100 lbs more!  ANYWAY---the plan is to order popcorn as usual.  Happily, I'm a very slow eater and always eat one kernel at a time anyway. I'll make a moderate effort not to consume a huge amount, but if I do--well---the rest of the day is on track. I'm also justifying this because I really don't go to the movies very often.  Part of this blog is to make sure stuff like movie popcorn really is as rare a treat as I think it is. If I'm tracking some equivalent splurge 4 or 5 times a week then I'll have to make some adjustments.

Goal-wise--I'm shying away form them, having made far too many weight-loss goals in the past and failing.  However, I AM looking forward to celebrating some milestones such as a BMI of 29--that's officially just plain "overweight."  And I'm really hoping for vindication someday if and my weight drops back to my all time low weight watchers weight.  When that happens I will do an indian war dance of celebration, because it will mean success on MY terms ie: a heck of a lot more food and freedom than WW gives you!

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