Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Friday, December 5, 2014

Oh my

Oh my oh my oh my. What am I doing? All I want to do is to eat what I want with no consequences. Darn it!! The universe is simply not working my way. Today is especially bad.

Normal breakfast
Snack--1/2 einsteins bagel with schmear---oops
Lunch--saucy meatballs w peas. Alas, we didn't have time to get the magic zero cal noodles
dessert--an apple spice cake doughnut
various small chocolates

Tonight--department dinner at Maddox--fabulous steak and raspberry rolls.

A couple big problems besides the obvious, is that I'm not really hungry. When I eat when I'm not hungry, thats when I gain weight.

Exercise is the number 2 problem. I re-injured my knee in kettlebell on tuesday. I took it easy on Wednesday and babied myself in kettlebell yesterday. I didn't feel as though it would be smart to walk to work today--part of the problem is that I've lost the sleeve for my knee. I'm going to have to replace that. I felt weird yesterday at kettlebell. I didn't WANT to work out, and it's true there were a lot of things that I shouldn't do, but should I have done more? It's so hard for me to tell if I have a genuine reason not to work out,because I'll seize onto lame excuses so fast.

Can I just do ordinary, simple things daily--as in eat in moderation--to conquer this problem? Alas, not without outside help it appears. I KNOW this. I just don't want to believe it. Amazing how stubborn the mind can be. Amazing, how delicious food is. I admit to some excitement beginning to flare up. This is typical of this point in the yo-yo cycle. Yes, there will be a few changes. Are they enough to enable me to stick to a plan? At least until my clothes fit again?  Only time will tell because apparently, I'm not in control at all here.

I AM thankful though for many things

Hilarious cereal--colon blow.
Time for gift wrapping
Enough money for some gifts
Working cars

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