Back from Hawaii and Christmas!!!! And THANKFUL to be home. In many ways I had a great time. Hawaii is beautiful and not even my family can diminish its loveliness. Actually, overall everyone was very well behaved I think. The trip went off as well as it possibly could have. It's just difficult to travel with a big group under any circumstances and my family--with one teen, one 8 year old, one drug addict, one cancer patient, one massively passive-agressive father, one over worked and overly burdened sister, one tired and stressed out husband and myself with all my attendant baggage----well, it was a bit of an ordeal, but an ordeal filled with fun things to do in a wonderful place. The bright side of the stress was that it did affect my appetite--I didn't feel as though I was dieting--on the contrary--I ate anything and everything I wanted including 2 full blown luaus and more candy and junk than I've eaten in months and when I came home on Christmas Eve morning and stepped on the scale I found that I was at an all time low of 185!!!! A Merry Christmas gift indeed!!!!!
But here's the difference--and I think this is the real difference between people who are fat and thin. In Hawaii because of stress or whatever, my base-line perma-status was FULL. It was weird. Even if I felt hungry--even stomach growling hungry I just didn't care all that much about food. I enjoyed it when it was there, and I mean really enjoyed it--I didn't stint on those luaus, but I wasn't thinking about whether or not I should/could go back for more. Sometimes, especially if the food wasn't special, I either didn't eat at all or ate very little. I'm SURE this is how thin people operate all the time. They eat whatever they want (with some attention to nutrition) and simply don't have to worry about points or calories or anything else. They eat, they're done and sometimes--even quite often they eat a lot but quite often too they don't eat much--whatever, it's no big deal and no will power is necessary.
Now my normal life is just the opposite. My normal base-line perma status is HUNGRY. Even on Thanksgiving day when I'm stuffed to bursting, I still want more and wish I could eat more. I'm always thinking about and wanting food regardless whether or not I'm hungry.
The question now is how do I become the Hawaii-thin person all the time--without developing ulcers from being perma-stressed? I think the answer lies in the over-eaters anonymous principles. I have a workbook from the church based on the program. I haven't been using it--it takes time and energy and is often painful. But I think it is key. To become perma-full perhaps something has to heal. Well, there's no "perhaps" about it. I KNOW there's a direct correlation between healing and feeling hungry. But it's worth it. Hard, but so worth it. Right now, I'm still in Christmas-mode. I have my Christmas Eve 185, and I've been gobbling food as fast and hard as I can. Mostly, because it's just so darn good, but also because January 1st is coming and there is some "last supper" eating going on in my mind. Silly, I'll eat plenty in the coming year, but I'm excited about the next 10 pounds too.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
No comments:
Post a Comment