Still going more or less strongly. Survived a stressful Monday taking Christine to a therapist for the first time, but it went very well. Solidly dreading going to therapy with Lisa on Tuesday. But I have to admit even the thought of therapy has been beneficial. I've been thinking about why I'm so scared of it. Boundary problems mostly. But this morning I woke up feeling really angry with her--it's all purely imaginary--I think she's angry with me about what I think is a perfectly friendly update kind of email, but she hasn't answered which makes me nervous that I've offended her. Like I said, all in my head. But the useful thing about feeling mad this morning was that I began to realize that it's OKAY to be mad at her. Even though I carry a lot of guilt about her, I'm doing my best to make it right now. I can't change the past--and there's even a ghost of a chance that maybe I wasn't as horrible as I thought. So YES, I have the right to feel angry with her.
Happily, real distress causes me to want to eat less, not more. I'm lucky that way. I think boredom and celebration and task avoidance are the things that most make me want to chow down. Here's what I've been eating this week.
Tomato Day
Breakfast an omelete with tomatoes and a little feta
Snack: 12 grape tomatoes
Lunch: black bean salad--1/2 c black beans, a little feta, tomatoes with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. with 1/2 WW pita.
Snack: A baby brie cheese (70 cal) and some corn chips.
Dinner: WW spaghetti with spaghetti sauce. Cabbage salad with a few olives, I slice Ezekiel bread.
Dessert: pears and blueberries.
Vegetarian Day Yesterday
Blew the vegetarian part of it.
Breakfast: 2 slices Ezekiel bread with peanut butter, chocolate milk, honey crisp apple cider
Lunch: Chicken tava (It was Major Fest Day and Margarita brought lunch), white pita bread, big cookie. random chocolates.
Snack--an hour later: a largish piece of cheese and the rest of the chicken in a biscuit crackers (about 10)
Dinner: Fancy french bread with cream cheese, eggs, 2 sausage links, milk
Dessert: a few chocolates
Today---Hungry Girl 4.6
Breakfast--big bowl of blueberry almond oatmeal. Milk
Snack--100 cal popcorn
Lunch--tofu stir fry---surprisingly good, a few of Shandel's crackers. A 30 cal wedge of trader joes salted carmel chocolate
Snack: a mini brie and 6 almonds
Dinner: HG chicken strips--basically chicken "breaded" with fiber one cereal. Probably a salad and/or potato.
Dessert: don't know yet. Fruit would best. I'll have to see what kind of self discipline I have.
Exercise--not happening much, but I will take a walk after work.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
No comments:
Post a Comment