Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.

The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Keeping the bad decisions?

Well, I really don't know what I would have done differently yesterday. I did GREAT all day long. But I forgot it was our date night--poor Dave, he's trying so hard. We went to Station Park, a very romantic shopping complex. We found a new dessert place--Cobblers--which serves cobblers with ice-cream and toppings. We could have skipped it (I was the one who urged him inside), we could have shared one. But we didn't. It was all I could do to not order the hot chocolate as well.

Was that a mistake? Calorie-wise, sure it was. Relationship-wise, no. And what about happiness-wise? It's one of life's great pleasures to be somewhere new and try a new food. I don't exactly want to just excuse this, certainly not just say it's ok to go everywhere and eat everything I want, but I don't want to lose weight at the cost of Wednesday date night. But does date night need to include fattening food? Well, yes. Most of the time I think it does. It's about connecting to one another even when we're busy and tired. And food is both unifying and easy.  Maybe I'm just rationalizing and making excuses. Or maybe I'm protecting certain boundaries and consciously establishing what I want my food-life to be.

Refusing the guilt, accept imperfection, and hope to lose weight anyway!

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