Sometimes, a person really just needs to sit down and cry--except that I'm at work so I can't. Dad, of course, did not follow up on his necessary IRS paperwork and now the IRS has put a lien on him for $125,000. None of us has anything like that kind of money. I don't know what all exactly that will mean for Dad---hopefully, they'll allow him to keep enough of his social security and retirement that he can still live at his place. What will happen when he becomes seriously ill I don't know. Can a person be taken on as a charity case when he isn't square with the government? I do NOT want to deal with this. Really, there isn't much I can do. It doesn't help that aol is down and I can't access responses, or see if the financial advisor is looking at emails. All I want is for Dad to live in a reasonable environment (done), and that if he gets seriously ill, that we'll be able to take care of him without having to deal with a horrible financial mess (no chance of that it seems). Christine, is if anything, even more difficult. It's not fair that people live in ways that cause everyone around them such anxiety. I'm glad Mom died when she did. She dealt with enough grief to cover 20 people at least. I'm glad she was released. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning---after all, this really isn't my problem. If worst comes to worst (and it usually does in my family), I'll simply call a family council with Dad's brothers and sisters as well as the three of us and we'll take it from there.
But I hate what this kind of thing does to me. In the face of such problems, the last thing I care about is how many calories are in anything. I'm leaving for a short conference tomorrow. I'd LIKE to be emotionally present for Dave and Catherine tonight. Not to mention that I'd LIKE to enjoy the conference. I can't really talk to Dave--he knows about this, but he's just angry with Dad and Christine, and that isn't helpful. On the plus side, if I ever get to heaven it will be because I've dealt with this problem in a kind and Christlike way. I don't feel Christlike. If I had the power to send lightning bolts and incinerate them both just now I'd do it without hesitation. Possibly Riley as well--poor kid, he's had such a lousy start--let him die too and be saved and happy in heaven and let Lisa finally have the freedom and happiness she deserves.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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