Fresh start tomorrow!! My feelings are all over the place---mostly happy. I'm still wrestling with the old "I'm starting my diet tomorrow so I'd better eat all I can today", which has pretty much been what's been going on for the last three weeks. Today is a work potluck (this was fairly sudden, which tells me I want to have exercise calories in reserve), and that thought is making me feel ludicrously happy. How I can have that happy pot luck feeling more often without going off the rails? Part of me is sad because I hate giving up eating freely. The other part is happy--because eating freely hasn't been that great. I've been overeating and so not truly enjoying anything as much as I do when I'm hungry for it. I'm feeling sad about letting go, but then remembering that by earning calories through exercise, truly nothing is off limits--including the next work potluck! I don't WANT to be moderate for these and I don't HAVE to be!!!!
The other two thoughts in my brain are these: I am an ADDICT and that is not going to go away in this life even if I succeed in losing weight. If Sean can gain back weight, so can I. That's going to be tough to remember, because I'm the first to think I have it all figured out at the first sign of progress.
The other thought is this. Why am I doing this? TO LOSE WEIGHT. You'd think that would be obvious, but it ISN'T!!! I've NEVER succeeded in getting to goal, so most of me doesn't even believe that weight loss is possible--therefore it's not a big deal if I don't lose because I never believed in it anyway. But I am starting tomorrow with the real intent to lose weight--and the good news is that it's a finite amount of weight! That's another thing that's not so obvious. The media makes me feel as though I should be "adding a little" to each workout, and shaving off calories wherever I can. The natural end of this would be exercising 24 hours a day while eating nothing. (there's actually a cult out there that does this! The idea is to live on light and air, a few people have died.) No. The real goal has to be exercise for about 1/2 a day, and eating in some kind of sustainable for me way that's not going to lead to an early death through obesity.
The plan is ready to go. Slips of paper are in an envelope with another envelope prepared for old slips (that way I won't pick "lemon day" three times and never pick chocolate day (yes! there's a chocolate day). The calories range from 1500 to 1800 (I've belatedly thought it might be fun to have really specific calories---1530 for example, just for varieties sake). Every tenth day is something like Vegetarian or High Fiber. With over 350 slips there are only maybe 5 days in each of these categories--so only 5 or 6 free days in the year (besides my birthday etc.) However, with earning exercise, I hope to enjoy more guilt-free treats than before. Also different will be Sundays. Sundays will be a day of rest. Not a free for all, but a rest day. On Sundays I will eat our normal pancake breakfast (thanks to weight watchers, I only ever eat one, and the meal is only about 400 cal), a 500 cal lunch, and then enough to fill me up at dinner. I plan to enjoy Sunday dinner and have seconds if I want to!! Even if I pack away a whole 1000 cal for dinner (which I hope I usually won't), I'll still be within a reasonable bound. Dessert-wise, I will have 1 normal helping---2 cookies, or a normal brownie, cake, pie whatever. However---I can always earn calories if I want a bigger dessert.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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