Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Thursday, January 3, 2013

Taking responsibility

Very excited about the prospect of the eat-to-liv program!! I think it's really going to help me to tune into my best self. Best of all, Dave and Catherine are doing it with me. Nice too, the program officially starts on Jan 7, our official Christmas Day this year, but the points to earn don't count toward prizes this first week--so we can relax on Christmas day and start changing habits on Jan. 8. I also like how the "limited foods" drop off after the 4th week. Hopefully, by then I'll be a bit more ready to be responsible about cakes and bacon.

Anyway---I was thinking about responsibility and how and why I avoid it with food. Somewhere deep inside I really think I believe that eating is bad. Somehow ALL eating is verboten, even though I know that's silly. Lately, I've had some healthy snacks here at work but I'm having the hardest time giving myself permission to eat them. Somehow the thought that I can and really should do without them is very loud. HOWEVER, I HAVE been way overindulging on the junk food! Why doesn't that come with any alarms? The odd analogy that comes to mind is teenages and condoms. I'm told (and I think this is very valid) that often teenagers don't use condoms, because to do so means they have to pause and actually admit to themselves what they are doing as opposed to "just letting it happen." That's exactly what I think is happening with me and food. If I go to the fridge and eat my soup which I know is about 100 cal and filling and healthy--I have to admit to myself what I'm doing. I am officially "eating." If I go to the fridge and load up a plate with goodies--that is NOT officially eating because it isn't a deliberate meal and it isn't even a deliberate snack--because I honestly don't snack that irresponsibly. That plate of goodies is a sort of limbo food. Not emotionally tallied.

Perhaps one reason that the intuitive eating program is calling me so strongly is that I sense that I need to lift that taboo about food. Even I need to eat! It is a NEED a NEED a NEED--like breathing air. It is NOT a bad behavior, it is a necessary one!

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