Made the mistake of weighing myself yesterday. Net result of all this effort? Exactly ZERO. Frustrating isn't the word! Truly it seems that I can eat whatever I want and be this weight, or I can make an effort to do better, but if I do it doesn't make the slightest difference.
Small changes?? Not hardly. I was so infuriated with weight watchers because it was so drastic, and if I deviated even slightly all weight loss ceased. Anything less than 100% sterling, over the top effort results in a big fat zero loss. Part of the problem is that I have PCOS. I'd always heard that this makes weight loss harder--but I'd always assumed that it just slowed it down a lot. Now, I'm thinking it means just what it says--it stops it cold short of perfection.
Somehow I need to marry the psychological rightness of what I'm doing now, with something that actually yields results. I don't know how to do that. I'm beyond reluctant to make an effort to do anything that I'm not willing to keep up for the rest of my life.
So what might that be? Not much. Drink water, improve with fruits and veggies, exercise, try to make better choices whenever I can. That sounds good right? I can make better choices all over the place. Yeah--technically. But what I mean is make good choices when I'm not being overly tempted, overly hungry, overly in the throws of addictive behavior. Just because there is grilled chicken on the menu does NOT mean that I have the will to order it.
I did have a sort of encouraging thought I guess. Or, maybe I'm just looking for excuses, I don't know. But I DO have PCOS, I DO and DID have an extremely stressful family situation growing up---I'm sure I've been flooded with cortisol from day one, growing up, my family almost NEVER did anything physically active---we never played any sports, or even watched any games or went hiking or camping or anything like that. Mom occasionally took me sledding or swimming or took me mushroom hunting (much against my will), I grew up on a strict, "hey, we survived the depression!" diet---meats, breads, fats and sugars. Fruits were for pies, and veggies were a garnish. This is still the diet I greatly prefer to eat. And I still have no realistic idea of how to become physically active--when I come home from work I'm TIRED. I can't imagine going to play basketball or something just for fun. I don't want to get up any earlier.
Anyway---with all that against me I was "only" about 20 pounds overweight as a child and teen and "only" 50 pounds overweight now. It could have been much much much worse.
Two things that helped in my youth----I walked everywhere and we almost never ate out. Even a place like McDonalds was a very rare treat. I wonder if I'm sensitive to the chemicals and stuff in food?
Maybe there's some room for hope. Maybe.
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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