Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Thursday, August 16, 2012

506 wound up

I've spent the day all wound up--lots of little things that I can't control, but I think I'm winding down now thank goodness and can enjoy the evening. There's been something obvious that I've been meaning to bring up. One way or another, I have to say NO to SO MUCH FOOD!! When I was pregnant this drove me crazy. I didn't want food, I didn't need food, I would get sick if I ate food--and I still wanted it more than anything. I've improved a great deal since then, but I'm by no means out of the woods. It's going to be a real adjustment to eat so little. The other night I ordered some great indian food but didn't have time to eat it before RS. I literally ate about 4 bites before the meeting, and when I got back I didn't want any more. I ate it last night. I'm liking intuitive eating, because I'm beginning to do stuff like that,which is unusual, and I think steps in the right direction.

But I've still got such a long way to go! Tonight is a good example--I'm taking the night off (except for grocery shopping. Dave is still in London, Catherine is gone--I'm on my own. This screams to me---go out to eat--I can literally go anywhere and have anything I want. I can totally relax and do my favorite thing--eat. Except that....hurrah for IE--I don't feel quite so compelled tonight. I'll still eat out, but more because there's no food in the house than because I "have" to. I might even make my favorite--chocolate chip cookies, but at the moment at least, I'm not feeling inclined to have 10 of them. Truly, I just want a couple. I'll see how that actually goes.

But still... I like to eat! A very large (no pun intended) part of me doesn't want to give it up even if I don't want food. I love the sensation of sitting down to a really good and huge meal and then feeling free to eat it all! Although, even as I type that I can feel that it's not quite as true as it used to be. I love sitting down to dinner--but I care a little bit less whether or not it's huge. I wonder what I really want for dinner? A soup from Zupas--yes, but not their sandwich and I want more than just the soup. What would really hit the spot?

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