Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Tuesday, August 7, 2012

497 careless

OWWW OWWW OWWW. Too much sitting and then too much bending. I threw my back out yesterday. This is horrible timing--I've got to get Mom's house done by the end of the month. On the bright side, it did spur me on to ask for help.

Food has been kind of careless yesterday and today. I haven't gone out of my way to overdo it, but I haven't been in much of a mood to consider whether I was hungry or not and whether I ought to stop or not. We went to Subway's last night and I just ate my sandwich. This morning I had breakfast and now I just finished lunch--all of it. I'm munching on a plum right now. Do I really want it? I honestly don't know. I DO want the chocolate covered almonds in my cupboard, and I'll have them. Maybe I'm just tired. It's not that my back hurts so much, it's just that it hurts enough that everytime I needed to move last night, I had to actually wake-up and slowly turn over.

Possibly I'm a little emotionally wrung by small breakthrough in the 12 step program. Right now I'm not attending anything, but I have the church's addiction book that is based on 12 step programs--there are passages to read and questions to answer. I've learned to write out the answer to every single question no matter how repetitive or obvious the answer. The statement I'm wrestling with is that pride always has it's roots in enmity toward God or others. Interesting. And working through just where that enmity is in my heart and where and why that prevents me from submitting my will to God is both humbling and saddening. The wonderful thing of course, is that with God's help all things can be made right--including character flaws--but there just aren't any shortcuts. Knowing better doesn't instantly enable me to think better all the time. It just takes time, patience, perserverance and not a little suffering. All things I'd much rather avoid.

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3 comments:

  1. StephonieAugust 7, 2012 at 10:30 PM

    I know exactly what you mean. When I got to that part it got set aside and I haven't picked it up since. Not because it was distressing or anything but it was . . . complicated and at the time I had more to concentrate on.

    My biggest issue is that I know I am making great progress, but I am not seeing results like I want to . . . like I think I should be. But the spirit communicates that I am doing alright. I guess I am just too impatient.

    This may be an odd question. Have you asked your body what it's set point weight is according to it's blueprint provided by our Heavenly Father? I was shocked to find that mine was higher than I had originally thought. My mom's friend discovered that hers was higher than she had thought. I don't remember what my mom's was. Once I found out what that number was suppose to be I asked Heavenly Father to set that as my body's set point weight. I have been slowly (so so so slowly) loosing weight. I have done absolutely nothing else. I know it needs help to reach it and I am working toward that. But it is nice to know the proper place my body is -suppose- to be and not where medical science thinks I should be.

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  2. AnneliAugust 8, 2012 at 9:44 AM

    Patience is SOOO hard. And our society is so out of whack. Here we are--both wonderful Moms, both talented,and both genuinely good people. Does that matter in this world? Not particularly--why don't we both lose some weight? It's irritating that I allow Hollywood values to impact my self-esteem as much as I do.

    I love your comment! I've never thought to ask the Lord where I ought to be. I'm aiming for 155-165ish, which I think is pretty reasonable. But what does HE think? And really, does He even care that much? Wouldn't He prefer that I just get out there and do my visiting teaching?

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  3. StephonieAugust 8, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    I think He does care because He is aware of us and He is aware of our concerns. When we are overweight what do we focus on? Our weight. What do we worry about? Our weight and what other people think about us. When we are overweight are we able to fulfill our callings as wife, mom, and church member to the best of our abilities? I can only speak for myself but my weight inhibits every single aspect of my life. Does the Lord love me at the weight that I am? Absolutely! Will he love me any more if I loose weight? Nope. I will be just as important to him if I weigh 1000 lbs or 165. Since weight is such a huge concern to me I know that He is aware of my concerns and they are important to him.
    <3

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