Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Friday, August 10, 2012

499 Really full

Uh boy. I was spot on yesterday. Feeling too full doesn't stop me AT ALL from eating more. If I had been left to myself, I wouldn't have eaten dinner at all or would have eaten very lightly. Instead I went to my sister's house where I discovered that she is a great cook and likes to make Greek food. My favorite! Besides the professional gyro and salad, she made a spinach pie absolutely drenched in butter and fantastic. I had two big pieces of that.

I am determined not to react to this by going on a diet. I want my mind to settle down--to realize that the food is always there and then to let go. I'm re-reading IE and last nights read was about eating out of rebellion. I know ALL about that. I think there is a very real ugly little part of me that eats out of a purely "to hell with you" attitude toward society.

I can work with this. I can improve my level of forgiveness towards myself and others. After all, I like beautiful people too! I love the Olympics partly because it's so neat to see such levels of physical perfection. I like beauty in all its manifestations--physically, spiritually or mentally. I can whole heartedly work on improving my beautiful, miraculous body without resentment, in the same way that I can improve my skills to make music on the beautiful harp. I'll likely never be world-class in either area, but does it matter? I've always known I'm more of a "renaissance" person. I prefer to work in many areas at once. At the end of the day I'll have a pretty good body as well as quite the collection of talent--perhaps none developed to world class level yet, but taken as a whole--I can easily become a world class person.

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