Oh wow! Whoa! I don't know what happened yesterday. It was a 2100 cal day---usually more than plenty. Not even close! Any food I ate didn't even seem to make a dent. It was the kind of hunger that if I were a caveman and the only food around was a mastodon, I would have NO problem taking my spear and bringing it down. Last night, I would have been totally without fear. The mastodon would be down and that would be the end to that.
Vision is a weird thing. When I was at my all time weight watchers low, my x-large t-shirts were starting to look really really big to me. Same thing in reverse last night. I went to Papa Murphys to pick up our usual pizza and the large size looked miniscule. No possible way to feed three people on that (even though it's what we usually get)! I got the family size and cookies. I plotted out the calories, and I knew I was going to go over, and by the time I actually got to eat dinner I did NOT care. In classic--"I let myself get too hungry" style, I'm sure I overate. But I gave myself a red star because this was different than last Sunday when I just threw in the towel for no good reason. Last night my body was shouting reasons and I think it was important to respond. It's just unfortunate that my body went crazy on a pizza night. But the experience was important for a couple of reasons, I want to learn on a cell deep level that I WILL respond to my true physical needs. And also, I had realized several hours earlier that regardless of what I pulled out of the envelope, I would very shortly need a FREE day to maintain my willingness to keep on trying. I believe that the will to keep on trying is more important that any other consideration when changing a habit. And it worked! I didn't intentionally set out to be a glutton last night, but I did eat what my body needed and what my mind wanted (the more scary part), and I honestly did pick out a free day for next week. But to my surprise, I didn't have to have the free day today. Today I'm actually prepared for a relatively strict day---1800 cal, no salt and double exercise. And I feel fine! Tomorrow, Sunday will be the Free day---I think I'd actually be ok, without it, but I want to be sure to get it in so continue to feel relaxed and confident with this plan.
It's shaping up to be a great day. I had to go in to work (very rare on a Saturday) and it's snowing, but since it's double ex. today I decided to walk it--this had extra umph because I had to go clear up to the stadium, and in Ogden, Utah, up means UP. I was defnintely puffing. Later, I'll ride the stationary bike while I get caught up on some reading for my class. There was breakfast served at this event and I did VERY well taking a moderate amount. A nice serving of fruit, a muffin, a spoonful of eggs, skipped the pancakes, a spoonful of hashbrowns and only 2 slices of bacon (would have preferred 20--that is not an exaggeration), and a little orange juice. No bad! I'm calling it 600 cal. But again the most important and exciting thing about today is that I'm willing to keep on doing. I feel good about today's plan and am looking forward to the upcoming week.
Lastly, here's my report card for January. Pretty darn good if I say so myself! Out of 31 days only 1 had no star at all. I got 3 red stars, 6 silver stars and 21 gold stars!!! I gave Catherine $30 to surprise me with a gift card and she came through in flying colors. $25 gift card for my Nook e-books! And the remaining $5 on chocolate! That's my girl!!! I love it!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
No comments:
Post a Comment