Back from Disneyland. I just love that place. But it underscores the idea that I have no self-control whatever. It's worse now that we have a little bit of money--we think we can and should eat everything--and I did. Why am I so suggestible. Yesterday was classic--still overstuffed when I woke up, but we went to I-HOP--ate fully loaded breakfast. We drove and drove all day--none of us wanted lunch, and I still wasn't really ready to eat at 5 when Dave pulled over for cheap Prime Rib at a Nevada buffet. Super-dangerous to eat when I'm not hungry--because then there is nothing that signals that I'm full! Ate PLENTY. On the bright side, we walked and walked and walked and walked for MILES on this vacation.
I know part of this behavior is pure "vacation" eating--thinking that this is a special time and that I'm entitled. Also, part of this is "last supper" eating--I know I'm coming home to go back on plan so I'd better eat it all now. What I don't know is how to disconnect those feelings. I'm having a late lunch today and there will be no problem at 1500 cal today. Tomorrow might be another matter. How can I feel secure that food will always be there and still give myself a few boundaries? I think I just need to press on---I can "earn" food, I can have Sunday dinners, there's another vacation in July.
This is a very disjointed entry--I'm exhausted. We got in after midnight and I'm at work. But I wanted to give a shout out to calorie-count. YAY!! Excellent entry on how fear can collapse weight loss in many different ways. I like the suggestion to acknowledge the fear and then make a good choice. I plan to do this with helping Christine move this summer. Every time I start to worry--I'm going to respond with a positive statement for myself.
Utilities--Hello fear---I can call the companies and work this out.
Money in general--hello fear--I will call Ameriprise and give this problem to Christine where it belongs.
Riley--Hello fear--I am putting Riley within easier reach of Lisa--his situation will not get worse unless she's evicted.
Eviction--hello fear--this is Christine's problem and Riley's decision.
Lisa--Hello fear--it's ok if Lisa is mad at me for any reason
Packing house--Hello fear--this chore will be unpleasant, but it will be a big relief when it's done.
Anger--hello fear--I'm uncomfortable with anger, but it's ok to be uncomfortable.
Faith--hello fear--It's not for me to judge my lack of faith, but to trust in God as best I can and trust him to help me grow.
Weight-loss--hello fear--It doesn't matter if I fail, every effort makes me stronger. My efforts have already resulted in my not being all that fat!!
Losing weight in spite of myself.
I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.
The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.
There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.
Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!
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