Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Friday, May 23, 2014

Rock climbing

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I loved this meme from Hollie.  I struggle with forgiving myself. I can't quite believe that I'm really ok with God, even though He manifests that he loves me all the time, esp. in the temple that time when the message I got was that He wanted me to be free.  So what is everything that I am? Can't say everything because nobody can ever be fully defined. But I am a person who genuinely wants what is right. I don't enjoy hurting people. I want peace. I love beauty. I want to learn and do everything in the world. I've been hurt--and I think I should be long ago recovered and that I should have acted much differently than I did and than I do now. But I am trying to face the things that scare me and do the right thing. I long for the Savior to come again. I will honestly try to do an be anything just to have his approval.

You know what? That sounds like I'm a good person. And I guess I really am. I'm just not a perfect one, or more maddening, the one I imagine that I ought to be. But who says my imagination is right? Only God knows what was really possible given the circumstances of my life. I certainly don't and it's not necessary to judge myself. It's only necessary to do what God would want me to do at this moment in my life.

OKAY--onto rock climbing. I have learned something. Fat people do not rock climb. I got to try it at a conference in Wyoming. Oh my! It's super hard. I could climb a very little on the baby wall, and I learned to belay which was cool, but on the big walls, I couldn't do it at all. I just don't have the strength, but I'd love to try again. I don't think it's possible to be overweight and rock climb too. The back of my arms are aching today. A little rock climbing will certainly help old lady flappy arms. I'm pleased that I tried, and I'm pleased that I could at least do the baby wall---I really wish the uber simple wall was taller. I'm going to take a closer look at the Weber State rock climbing wall and I'm going to try little walls when I see them at playgrounds and such.

It's memorial day weekend and I plan to have a very happy one.
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