Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Gentle Gentle

Oh wow--FABULOUS trip. Nobody does it better than Disney. Weight-wise---on the upside, I must have walked at least 10 miles a day. On the down side--two solid weeks of theme park food. I think the food triumphed over the exercise. It usually does darn it, but I have some new thoughts.

Just before we left, I came across a picture--that I'll post if I ever find it, of a huge woman gnawing on a big (32oz) brick of cheese as she watched some event. I printed it out because I have trouble making the connection between my actions and the consequences when it comes to food. But this picture makes sense to me. Much as I love cheese, I simply do not engage in that behavior, and wallah!! I'm much thinner and healthier than that poor woman. Ergo--if I change my current behaviors, I will be thinner and healthier than I am now. By way of change--I have a new motto:

Worry less and do more.

Just that simple. Worry A LOT less about my weight, but everyday DO more things that are good for my body. Say "yes" to as many good things as I can--fruits, veggies, water, sleep, exercise, Say "no" to as many things as I can that don't do my body good--junk food, huge portions. The key is "as many things I can" sometimes, emotionally I really can't seem to say no to the goodie, and that's fine. This is just a ramped up version of what I did when I gave up altogether in Iowa--back then, my only idea was not to go out of my way to do things that would make me gain a ton of weight. It was intuitive eating in it's most basic unconscious form, and it worked--I lost 20 pounds in 5 years. "Worry Less DO More" feels different. This time I'm seeking out as many things as possible that will help me.

In a similar vein, I've been thinking about a college experience. I lived in the German house and we took turns cooking with the men's house feeding about 20 people. One night I was on dish duty and I was scrubbing as with all my might on some burnt on spot with no success. The guy I was working with stopped me and said--don't scrub so hard--just wash it gently--sure enough, he got the pot clean with no problem. I think weight might be the same principle---weight watchers for me is the equivalent of scrubbing with all my might. I think I need a much gentler approach. The old story of the contest between the wind and the sun to see who could make the man remove his coat first, also comes to mind. The cold wind blew with all his might and the man just held his coat tighter and tighter. But the sun shone gently and eventually the man took his coat off.

I know for sure that weight watchers makes me want to clutch at my old habits tighter and makes me wish for big portions of rich food. I think IE and the Worry Less DO More idea will be much like the sun--allowing me to release resentment, fear and all the other things that cause me to maintain a heavy weight.

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