Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Friday, September 14, 2012

544 STOP!!!

This is NOT okay!! My pants yesterday were tight---well, those are my smallest jeans...but my shorts today are also tight. NOT OKAY! Everything is feeling tight and I know I've gained weight. My guess is a solid 10 pounds. So what to do??? I'm regrouping right now. I'm not going back to weight watchers (I like having fingernails), but I obviously need some boundaries. Where will those boundaries come from?

ME.

IE doesn't say to go on an eating free for all. It says that I am the boss and the only one who can when I'm full or what I want. However, here's the sad bottom line-

I am almost always going to be full physcially BEFORE I am done eating emotionally.

That means that even with IE I am going to WANT more food than I get. And that might feel like a diet. At least until that magical time when I can adjust.

That means that if I'm eating when I'm full that I AM OFF PLAN!! There IS a plan. And if I don't want to blow up like a balloon and go diabetic, I need to start paying aattention. Or--to put a more positive spin on things---if I want to be healthy, feel great, live longer, live better and feel good about myself, I need to start paying attention.

How will this look in real life? I'll eat breakfast and also other meals even if I'm not particuarly hungry if it's not realistic to eat them later. I'll do my best to make sure that the main parts of the meal are healthy so that I'm doing the actually filling up with healthy foods. Desserts and the like are fine but in moderation--basic grandma rules---she wouldn't approve of just cookies for dinner. There are no "special occasions" because I can eat whatever I want any day. But Christmas, Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving, my birthday are free for alls. Vacations aren't exactly total free-for alls, but I refuse to worry about food.

That's the basic idea. It's going to take a whole lot of work to wrap my mind around STOPPING when I need to, and also not freaking out about success. And not freaking out if I know I'm eating lightly. It's okay to eat lightly! A salad with light dressing is fine, even if it only has 50 calories, if that's all I want, then it's FINE. Likely, I'll want more than that, or more than that very soon and that's FINE.

Today I had cream of wheat with blueberries. I was hungry so I had a snack of an apple and some nuts. Lunch is homemade clam chowder with--and here's where it's tricky---some little bread rounds and hummus or crakers and cheeseball--but SMALL portions. Dinner is either mexican or pizza--again SMALL portions. If I'm still hungry I can have another portion OR go home and have something healthy to top off with. Challenging but good. I'm going to resume reading the losingweighteveryday blog. I haven't been reading it because he's on such a restrictive diet that is counter to what IE practices. BUT--he's enormously positive and his message is less about his exact plan than it is to make up your mind to succeed and suceed. I need that. Tomorrow should be good as well. I'm walking 6 miles. This isn't to punish myself for being fat, but to prepare myself for the half-marathon in 15 days (YIKES!).

I also need to track here what I'm doing and how it's going.

OKAY! Better days ahead!

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