Doing well?

Hmmmmm.  I'm having serious trouble staying in control on days that are not specifically calorie controlled. No doubt as a result of making those controlled days tougher. This past weekend, I haven't even wanted to try. Still----April was a much better month than March was so I was feeling pretty good until I added it up. I only earned $18.  Huh. There are 30 days in April. That's not very good!! No wonder I'm having trouble. Still, there's always tomorrow---or at least next week. Tomorrow we leave on vacation, and then I'll be back in business. I've already made the shopping list.

Sugar

A tough two days---and both successes and failures on all fronts. Worst, was sugaring out on Thursday. I'd already lost control at work (those pepperidge farm chessmen are fantastic), and eaten more cookies and chocolate than I needed. As a consequence, I wasn't hungry for dinner. So I went visiting teaching without. Ooops. One family had made homemade chocolate Easter candies and offered us some. I SHOULD have asked for one to take home. I've done that before with this family, but I didn't. I ate the homemade reeses egg. Declined seconds--not out of virtue, but because I was already slightly nauseous from sugar. Did not decline when they found the last almond joy egg. Those are my favorite!! And then they had just made homemade rootbeer--I never get homemade rootbeer. They offered a float. I asked for a tiny float. and for once I really meant it.  This family doesn't do tiny. Delicous, but bleeeech.  When I came home I felt as though I needed to eat something real just to absorb all the sugar.

Yesterday was graduation. Catherine was beautiful. It was a lovely ceremony.  Calorie-wise, I didn't do great, but thinking-wise wasn't too bad. I had a small breakfast because that's all I wanted. I ate a reasonable lunch at home rather than the free graduation buffet. I ordered a single scoop of icecream (this place doesn't do single scoop--it was more like three), but didn't finish--although I did have too many spoonfuls of others people's whipped cream and fudge. None of us ate too much of the rib dinner, but no doubt I still ate too much. So, no star yesterday, but no real guilt either. I will try in earnest for the next three days and then I'm off to Disneyland! There are no calories at Disneyland. Which is actually mostly true--for the amount of exercise Disney demands, I usually do all right. Menu is already planned for when we get back. Now, I'm off to work out on this rainy day.

Poor Sister

Next challenge to figure out. How do I circumvent the, "I can't have it tomorrow, so I'd better eat it today?" feeling. Technically speaking, I shouldn't have it today either! It's vegetarian day, not eat all the cookies and chocolate I can get day. It's so easy to lose track.

Unfortunately, I have an example of what happens when a person loses track completely. My poor sister--she's turning 40 this year. Catherine is graduating tomorrow with her associates degree and everyone is invited up. I live about 1 hour away from my Dad and sisters. Dad is coming up, my sister would have liked to, but decided she'd better not try it, because there is no parking immediately by the building and she can't make the short walk to and thru the building. I'm sure she's also worried about fitting onto the seats. She also can't really drive anymore because she can't stay alert enough to be safe, also she's lost her license, but even if she had one, she's hampered by fears and I doubt she'd be able to make a drive that's a whole hour away. It's just sad.

Comparatively, I'm doing great. But it's a bad comparison. How badly am I hampered by my poor choices? How awake would my mind be? How much more could I do if I ever conquer this problem?

Better

Doing better again. Vegetarian day on Monday---I gave myself a red star because I'm sure I ate too much. I did discover a wonderful potato gnocchi receipe that will be terrific for vegetarian days to come. Yesterday was a Hungry girl day which was right on track plus I did an hour of exercise. I'm going to try to do another hour when I get home tonight--I need a buffer for Friday nights graduation dinner of ribs. I read something encouraging on Calorie Count the other day. A woman started out at about 210 and is now in the 150's. She did fine unless she went home where all the delicious goodies were. So what did she do? As she didn't go home all that often, she decided to just go ahead and enjoy the home food and not worry about it!  YAY!!! I love that!!!

It takes a lot of fierce honesty to truly judge whether an event is rare. I can certainly attest that every single day offers at least one "valid" reason to overeat. But truly---if you're eating right and exercising and you go home just a couple of times a year, you really can enjoy it.  Even Jillian Michaels says not to worry about food on Thanksgiving. Just get back on track the next day.  I just love that there are faint glimmerings of moderation and common sense out there in the world of weight loss.

Today is a "high fiber" day AND the work potluck, which is already looking fabulous. We're having BOTH a cheese ball AND chips and cheese dip. However, I am at least trying to get my fiber. I had a good fiber breakfast and I'm dutifully eating carrots now. Maybe my co-workers will help me out by eating all the food, but I hope not. :)

Bit of a bender

Oh dear. It's so incredibly easy to go off the rails. I tried on Saturday--made the best choice I could at the Mexican restaurant, but we had leftover pizza for dinner. I love pizza in any form. I had two pieces plus a big cabbage salad and a reeses egg. One good thing about trying to control things is that I was actually really full with just these two pieces. Normally, it takes at least five pieces before I begin to feel full.

Yesterday was Easter Sunday. Again, began with good intentions. We had those tube cinnamon rolls for breakfast (shaped like Easter Bunnies--thanks pinterest!). I ate two--which meant 4 rolls. Usually, when I'm really counting 2 means 2 total, not two bunnies. Had a side of a dark chocolate with breakfast--then a small chocolate at church. Then lunch at Lisa's.  It was the funeral potatoes that were my undoing. Loaded with cheese and sourcream--I'll take funeral potatoes over candy any day. Then there was the birthday cake. This was my fault. I requested this. A layer of chocolate chip cookie mix. Topped with reeses eggs, topped with a fudge caramel brownie mix.

Ended the day with popcorn.  Yes, well. No stars for yesterday or the day before.  The rest of this week is iffy as well, but I really think it's a divinely helped iffy. I didn't pull any Free Days for the week, but I DID honestly pull out 2 vegetarian days and a high fiber day. GREAT! Again, my intentions will stay good. But as my last attempt with this program shows, I don't do very well with too much freedom. However, I'll do the best I can and these days will enable to me to get through all of the "exceptions" that are coming up this week and at least technically, still stay on plan. I think that's important.

Soup delusions

I tried. I wanted to go out to eat if we went all the way to slc for the reception, so I looked up Zupas and found that the turkey bacon panini wasn't very many calories. I had a harder time with the soup--my favorite is the wisconsin cheddar. I couldn't find this exact soup online, but I was delight to see that other cream of broccoli or cheese soups were only 220 cal. Really?  I was starved so I didn't question it. We got to Zupas, and I have never seen soup that thick in all my life. It was more the consistency of oatmeal than soup. No way that a Zupa-sized bowl of that was 220. However, I was too hungry to be rational and the internet DID say it was 220, so I ate that soup (and sandwich, and side of bread and strawberry---all accounted for assuming the soup was 220). It felt good.  I also behaved myself very well at the reception. They had two of my favorite weaknesses--crackers and cheese, and really good cookies.  I had a little fruit,and only 2 crackers with 2 small slices of cheese. Even though the soup was probably 1000 cal all on it's own--I gave myself a red star for the day.

Today is worse. Breakfast on track. Lunch problematic.  We went to Javiers for an after recital lunch. I got something off the lunch menu and tried to take it easy on the chips. Tonight is pizza. I give up. I will try to be fairly moderate, and I will also do my best to earn calories for tomorrow.

I feel a little better about my efforts after yesterdays reception. My dear friend, who we went to see, has put on quite a bit of weight. She's still darling. I weigh exactly the same as I did 24 years ago when we left Japan. This isn't that great, because I weighed too much back then, and still weigh too much now, but I could have added a whole bunch of middle-age spread and I haven't!

Stupid Scale

Why oh why do I do this to myself? Really, once a month weighing is MORE than enough for me. Actually, I'm doing great and feeling great, clothes are fitting better and even the evil scale reveals a 3 pound loss for April which my brain and good sense thinks is great. My emotions though, are annoyed. I feel thin. I'm hungry, and that's all I get??

Yes.  Weight loss is SLOW, slow, slow, slow, slow, and that's okay. Everyone says that clothes are a better measure anyway. Besides, it WAS my  birthday last week and I ate plenty, and I ate lots of cake on fast Sunday too. And yet, I'm still 3 pounds ahead. I should celebrate!!!  But not with food. YIKES!!! This upcoming week is a diet disaster! Worse, I've been feeling sick and so haven't earned any exercise calories at all!!!

Let's see---tonight there is a wedding reception
tomorrow is my harp recital which ends at lunchtime, which means we'll want to go out for lunch with Dad
Sunday is Easter--plus my family is making a special cake for me
Monday is cake with the Weber State president
Wednesday is a work potluck (the BEST)
Friday is Catherine's graduation--ice-cream afterward and a special dinner for her that night.

And lets not even discuss the leftovers that I'll be wanting!  Good grief! This is April I'll be keeping track, but I really don't think April is a particuarly difficult month.

So what am I going to do? I honestly don't know. For tonight, I've already told Dave that if we go to the reception, I'd prefer to eat someplace like Subways where it's a little easier to control the calories. Unless it's super good reception food, I can usually pass up wedding cake no problem.

Tomorrow--if we go to Famous Dave's I'm doomed. There is NOTHING healthful on that menu. Maybe I'll put my highest calorie day here--and even if lunch goes off the rails, I'll make a point to keep breakfast and dinner on track?

I'll try to earn some extra calories for Easter candy and cake--but I don't think I'll worry about Easter too much. We're having funeral potatoes which I love and that's worrisome because they are uber calorie dense, but I've already set Sunday aside as a day where I can eat where I'm satisfied at the main meal, and have 1 serving of dessert. I know I'll want more of that cake and some candy too. But I'll try to keep in under control and earn those calories.

Monday--I'll put my lowest calorie day here, so the cake won't throw my overall calorie intake too high. If possible, I'll only eat half. (that may or may not be psychologically possible depending on how good the cake is)

Wednesday is simply going to have to be a free day I think. Hopefully, I'll draw one of these out honestly. If not, I think I'll cheat and find one.

Friday, Not too hard--I'll aim to earn some calories, but I can manage a dish of ice-cream, and whatever we have for dinner.

How's that?  I honestly don't know. Does all this represent a real effort or just a whole lot of rationalizing? It's genuinely better than  a crazy food free for all.