Halloween Pot luck

Oooof. Didn't do so well with the Halloween potluck. Worst offender--plain old chips and sourcream dip. Second worst--the bacon wrapped jalapenos. But what went well? I'm defnitley getting better at eating what I like and not what I don't--therefore I left the globs of white bread that went with the chili and only had small samples of the less interesting dips. I walked to work today and tomorrow I begin the Lazy man Iron man. Yesterday was kind of funny--I did very well for breakfast and lunch--I was hungry when I came home but had the ward Halloween party. I "honored my hunger" by fixing the most nourishing thing I could think of that wasn't too big--a packet of peaches and cream oatmeal. It hit the spot and was a big improvement over crackers and cheese. I was late for the party so the only chili left was the FLAMING hot chili. I love spicy food, and it tasted great, but holy cow! There was very little cornbread left. About 1/3 of the way through the bowl, it dawned on me that I didn't HAVE to finish it even though it tasted good--I was about to go up in flames! There was no more cornbread, and water doesn't help with spicy food. I went to the doughnut on a string game and played to have a chocolate covered glazed doughnut to help with the spice! Normally, a glazed doughnut is the last treat I would choose, but last night I'm claiming it was for medicial purposes.

Gentle Gentle

Oh wow--FABULOUS trip. Nobody does it better than Disney. Weight-wise---on the upside, I must have walked at least 10 miles a day. On the down side--two solid weeks of theme park food. I think the food triumphed over the exercise. It usually does darn it, but I have some new thoughts.

Just before we left, I came across a picture--that I'll post if I ever find it, of a huge woman gnawing on a big (32oz) brick of cheese as she watched some event. I printed it out because I have trouble making the connection between my actions and the consequences when it comes to food. But this picture makes sense to me. Much as I love cheese, I simply do not engage in that behavior, and wallah!! I'm much thinner and healthier than that poor woman. Ergo--if I change my current behaviors, I will be thinner and healthier than I am now. By way of change--I have a new motto:

Worry less and do more.

Just that simple. Worry A LOT less about my weight, but everyday DO more things that are good for my body. Say "yes" to as many good things as I can--fruits, veggies, water, sleep, exercise, Say "no" to as many things as I can that don't do my body good--junk food, huge portions. The key is "as many things I can" sometimes, emotionally I really can't seem to say no to the goodie, and that's fine. This is just a ramped up version of what I did when I gave up altogether in Iowa--back then, my only idea was not to go out of my way to do things that would make me gain a ton of weight. It was intuitive eating in it's most basic unconscious form, and it worked--I lost 20 pounds in 5 years. "Worry Less DO More" feels different. This time I'm seeking out as many things as possible that will help me.

In a similar vein, I've been thinking about a college experience. I lived in the German house and we took turns cooking with the men's house feeding about 20 people. One night I was on dish duty and I was scrubbing as with all my might on some burnt on spot with no success. The guy I was working with stopped me and said--don't scrub so hard--just wash it gently--sure enough, he got the pot clean with no problem. I think weight might be the same principle---weight watchers for me is the equivalent of scrubbing with all my might. I think I need a much gentler approach. The old story of the contest between the wind and the sun to see who could make the man remove his coat first, also comes to mind. The cold wind blew with all his might and the man just held his coat tighter and tighter. But the sun shone gently and eventually the man took his coat off.

I know for sure that weight watchers makes me want to clutch at my old habits tighter and makes me wish for big portions of rich food. I think IE and the Worry Less DO More idea will be much like the sun--allowing me to release resentment, fear and all the other things that cause me to maintain a heavy weight.

One right move

Proud of myself! It's a small victory, but a victory none-the-less. Normally, I get hungry around 10 a.m. and so I will eat a snack at that time. Today, I wasn't hungry but habit triggered the need/want to snack. I remembered to think and realized that I wasn't hungry and then followed it up with--"I don't even want popcorn so I don't need to eat popcorn." And then I DIDN'T eat the popcorn. That's one. It occured to me that another day I might remember again. And then again. And again and eventually I might begin to be a person who doesn't eat when she's not hungry.

I'll do what I can while I'm on vacation--TOMORROW!!! But I'm not too worried about it. This is a precious time--literally the fulfillment of a lifelong dream. I know I will eat fruits and veggies as much as I can because I'll needing energy--but I'm simply not going to worry about it and I will keep up the process when I get back. See you in 10 days!

Munchie

Yikes!! Annoying after my fine feelings yesterday to be so munchie today. Everything seems to be going down the hatch. I think I know why, but I don't know how to put a stop to it. I'm a little tired--irritating to sleep so well all weekend, and then be restless on a work night. I have a lot of little things to do to get ready for our trip---not an overwhelming amount, but still a lot and I'm in a state of excitement and also some minor nerves--have I thought of eveything? Can my family really hold off and not implode before I leave? Will American airlines (who have been having problems in the news lately) get us there on time? Minor-level stuff---besides, I can't do a thing about my family or the airlines so why worry? I also think stepping on the stupid scale is having an effect. Deep down I might be worried that I'm going to revolt and go on a diet--especially after this trip. Also--part of me equates "nourishing my body" with difficulties and I'm happy to avoid those. I wish I could just shout at my brain--"whatever!!" and have done with it. I've already got lots done and I have plenty of time after work to take the key to the cat sitter, go to the ATM, mow the lawn, go to the store and finish up packing. Unlike poor Dave, I also have tomorrow after work to pack last minute things.

Word of Wisdom

The word of wisdom was the subject of Relief Society today. A MUCH needed lesson!! As I'm looking for answers on how to make good decisions while still honoring what I want to eat, the Lord is there to show me the way. One of my glaring problems that I almost never deal with is that I've never really eaten for nutrition, I've always only eaten for pleasure. My grandma Alleman would never have thought that way. She would have been after me to drink my milk and eat my veggies. How can I have missed the concept of nourishing my body? I've been taught all my life that my body is a temple--and yet I never deliberatley eat to sustain and improve my temple. I just take it for granted. That needs to start changing. I think if I can begin to work toward eating so as to run better and be healthier, I can begin to make better choices like eating less sugar--not because of weight, but because I know eating so much of it is bad for me.

I need my mommy!!!

Uh boy. Made the mistake of stepping on the scale. Yeah. There's a reason I'm feeling fat. I want my mom! What I need though, is Carol Brady or June Cleaver or my grandma or somebody. Some authority figure who loves me and will bake me cookies, but will mostly be there fixing oatmeal in the morning, casserole in the evening and making me eat my veggies. There are pros to tuna casserole. I've never made it in my life. Why? Because it's not that great. When my Mom served it--it wasn't that great and one serving filled me up just fine. Probably MOST meals at my house in the 70's were like that--quick, easy and kind of blah. I thought I was fat--and I was, by 70's standards, but now I'd be considered as having a perfect figure. I hate cooking blah. Somehow I've got to add the good "mom" voice to my IE efforts. I am NOT going back on a diet!!

Exercise is coming along nicely though. After Disneyworld, the idea will not only be to exercise but to improve. Today, Dave and I walked the color vibe 5K. For once, I would have gone faster, but he was being super careful not to do anything to his hip before our vacation. I had a BLAST!!! I want to do this next year and I have to do it with Catherine someday. Pretty much everyone wore white shirts and at different stations volunteers threw bright colors at us! It was so much fun!! At the end of the race we were all given our own bag of color and there was music playing and everyone was dancing and throwing colors. It was the BEST party I've ever been to!! I want to be healthy so I can always do stuff like this! Disneyworld will be plenty of exercise, and in November I've invited my co-workers to do the Lazy man iron-man with me. Somehow I've got to come up with a plan that marries IE with some kind of good sense! MOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

Jeans--Phew!

Felling better. I'm glad I took the day off. I was a little worried today. The jeans that are clean are the size 14's that were uncomfortably tight the last time I wore them. Would I even be able to get into them? YES!!! I'm not sure if it's because I stretched them out last time, but they fit great and are even nice and comfy!! Hooray!!! Another VERY important feeling today--or rather lack of feeling. My new co-worker is much taller than I am, and although he is thin, he's simply built on a bigger scale than me. He came out of the kitchen with a sleeve of trail mix and some orange juice. Normally, I would have felt a twinge of resentment and jealousy--no fair that he gets to have a high calorie snack like that and I don't! Formal diets served to underscore that feeling. He gets to have more just because he's male and I don't. And now the resentment is more than just a twinge. I'm furious.

Today--nope! I didn't feel like that at all!!!! If I want trail mix and oj for a snack--FINE!! I can have it! The truth is that I probably won't want it as often as he does, because I am a smaller person. And actually today was a great example--I've been eating from a big bag of nuts that I got at the airport and so his snack didn't sound appealing at all. My grandmother was 4 foot 8, I naturally want to, and should eat more than she did. Someone who is 6 feel will naturally eat more than me, and someone who is 7 feet will eat more than him. I eat a great deal more than my cat and a great deal less than an elephant. It really doesn't matter and all creatures big and small will feel happy with the food they need--so long as they actually GET the food they need are free from jealousy that they aren't eating what the other guy has. Truly, the hummingbird doesn't want the lion's kill. And truly, I really don't want TWO cheeseburgers and a pound of fries that the linebacker might want. It's a liberating thought. If I actually did want it I could have it, but truly I don't think I really would want it.