Losing weight in spite of myself.

I began this blog in February 2011 as a way to help me not quit trying to lose weight, and to learn a few things. It's been an interesting and powerful experience. It certainly confirms what I've long suspected--that although I am a genuinely happy cheery person in the main, I am NOT a happy cheery dieter. I DETEST losing weight. I resent being overweight in the first place and I am a virtuoso in the art of self-sabotage. And YET--I'm doing it! I'm fighting and kicking and EATING all the way down, but the weight is finally going down. The plan I was following in February was a half-baked one largely based on wishful thinking. I gained a little weight and decided to get real. I knew I couldn't just join weightwatchers or count calories or do any one plan and expect to be successful. I decided if I was going to bother to make the effort to lose weight I was going to throw everything I could think of at the problem. And so I do. My real "Day One" for this blog is April 1, 2011. I joined weight watchers, I joined caloriecount.com (awesome website), I read the blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com religiously, I keep this blog faithfully, I joined the health programs sponsored by my insurance, I use the principles from overeater's anonymous, I use my church's 12 step program as well, I subscribe--and use--Healthy Cooking Magazine.



The result of all this? Painfully slow progress (About 20 lbs in 10 months). But it IS progress and like the little engine that could I keep on trying in my rebellious way. I have no intention of quitting. This is by far the longest sustained weight loss effort I've ever made in my life. Successful I think, because for the first in my life I've done this MY way--which I've discovered, involves a lot of pizza and restaraunt food. I'm convinced this is the only way to lose weight. For me it must be MY way. For you it MUST be YOUR way. Not weight watcher's way, not your doctor's way, but YOUR way. Any plan or idea I use is only a tool.

The latest plan to lose weight my way began on Oct 29, 2013. It really is my own crazy plan. As you'll see if you read that post. I've implemented the best ideas of all sorts of eating plans and thrown out the scale. A couple of months in and I'm definitely healthier. I'm actually enjoying myself. I won't weigh until April 1, 2014, so I'll see then if this works the way I hope it will.

There is no magic weight loss bullet. But there IS a great deal of magic in the discovery of what I can happily live with (very different from what weight watchers tells me I can happily live with) and still have the body and health I want.

Good luck to all of us on this journey. It's quite a trip!







Monday, June 11, 2012

437 stop spiral

Hmph---you'd think after all this time I'd know better than to get on the scale on a non-weigh day. I won't share. Like Honor Warren of myjourneytofindingme.blogspot.com said in her post, if this was easy everybody would be a normal weight. I've got a great day planned and I'll stick to it. This morning, probably because I'm going to SLC to clean Mom's house and I always dread going to SLC, I began a familiar cycle of ugly thoughts. Mostly based on the fear of tough decisions I might need to make in the future. In my mind I was rehashing all kinds of reasons etc etc etc. when it dawned on me that I don't need to rehash reasons--there are reasons enough. If I decide to act, I don't need a current crisis--enough damage has already been done. Okay. I don't need to wind myself up to brace for some action. I think most of what I stress over is trying to justify thoughts or actions to myself. This IS justified--so I can at least be at peace in my own mind. The only question now is what is the better course of action? If I can be at peace generally, then I can make a better decision. I realize that none of this makes sense--but it doesn't matter. For once I was able to stop the upsetting cycle and that's REALLY important. It means I'm getting stronger.
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