Exhaustion

Two posts today. All day yesterday I knew what I was going to post but it got trumped by the scale freak out. EXHAUSTION!  There has been a nasty bout of the flu going around and yesterday I was really thinking that I might be the next victim. But then I realized that no, I had just eaten normally--with FAR less sugar than I've been inhaling lately and I'm just having a plain old-fashioned sugar crash. I've been tired for days--and I really think it's pure bad eating.  I feel better today, but today and tomorrow are "FREE".  I might have another smaller crash and then I'll be glad to get back on track. It's weird to be happy about being on track, but it really does feel good. Not as good as huge amounts of pizza and cookies feel--but good.

End of the year weigh

For all my mighty words, I did break down and weigh myself today. The reasoning was good though---I think.  The lowest point I hit on weight watchers was 183.  I'd like to get there or near it by my birthday in April by using my own methods. But what if I don't?  What if I weigh in on April 1 and I weigh 195? That would be so discouraging!  But wait a minute.  How badly off am I?  What if my weight has soared to 210? 215 or even 220?  I certainly feel fat enough and everything is tight.  What if I really do weigh 215 now and on April 1 weigh 195?  That would be a tremendous success, but I wouldn't know it if I don't know my starting point.

So, I got scale weird.  I weighed in last night before bed, because I knew however ghastly the number, at least I'd weigh a little less this morning. And right there that shows you that I give WAY too much  power to the scale. The numbers were ghastly enough--199 this morning, but not as bad as I feared.  I feel relieved. 183 is not that far away.  I looked up my last post that recorded a weight in 2012--mid December then, 195.  Sigh---I really am like the white queen, running and running with all my might to stay in the same place.  But it's a whole lot better than going the wrong way altogether.  Plus, I think this indicates that my plan IS already working! Yesterday was a gold star flavor point day. And these next few months will at least only have a normal amount of temptation.

Food Silliness

Almost to the end of food silliness--until next year.  Not that I won't have many silly days, but they will at least be more spread out. I did well over the weekend--1900 cal, 2100 cal and today is a flavor point day. It really says something about how very full I am that I'm not hungry at all. It's simply going to take some time to digest this stuff. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve--a free day. And then I'll join the rest of the US in behaving myself. Only, I hope that my plan will stick a little better since I've been working on it.  I'll weigh in in April, but I'm determined to see and feel some real improvement before then.

Butter

It was a Merry Christmas.  Will I ever learn to control my food?  I don't mean in a way to try and lose weight on Christmas day or anything--but in a way so that I'm hungry for, and can maximally enjoy all the goodies that are there!  I wasn't really hungry for breakfast--but ate the cinnamon roll casserole and orange rolls just the same, wasn't hungry for lunch, but ate a banana (a concession to having something wholesome, a lot of cheeseball and crackers, some olives, pickles and homemade bread).  Wasn't exactly hungry for dinner--but body was yelling for some real food, so I enjoyed the ham and mashed potatoes, but was way too full to really enjoy the mincemeat pie and brie puff.

This morning, I was still too full for breakfast. I walked to work (yay!), and am just now feeling a bit hungry---or rather a bit as though I've digested a few things. I brought some cuties and some frosted mini-wheats. But Dan brought sourcream cake doughnuts. My absolute favorite! I think I'll have one or two even though I know I'd feel better if I didn't. How do people do this? I love those kinds of doughnuts! I won't feel bad if I eat them, just better if I didn't.  But not enough better not to eat them. Again, I'm not worrying about the calories or anything on the day after Christmas, but it's the principle of the thing.

Happy Holidays

Um yeah, I think I'm off for the holidays. Cheesecake factory was great. None of us wanted dinner, but we finished off a bucket of movie popcorn (darn, I did have the movie popcorn) which we usually don't do.  I got a bit of an upset today--I offended a gay guy in my ward by making what I thought was a very mild opinion on his page. Blech. I hate feeling like I can't express my opinion, but I also hate offending people

Caramel unraveling

Ugh! I did fine, until a had "just a taste" of caramel popcorn toward the end of the work day.  It wasn't even that good of popcorn. One taste led to another.  I had a couple of handfuls.  The day could have been saved, but we got Pie pizza--that also could be ok, but if you get pie pizza you have to get cheezy bread--and there is no saving that!  I had much more than was good for me.  Worse to come, Catherine's friend sent her a top secret chocolate chip cookie recipe. Naturally she (with my urging) had to make some of those.  I had--5? 6? with milk.  

I feel overstuffed and a little icky this morning. I'm glad that I'm not liking this feeling. However, I know myself well enough to know that today isn't going to be any better. We're going to the Cheesecake factory. I've had in mind for over a month that I would eat what I wanted to there (buffalo blasts!).  I don't want to worry about food today. It's a happy day of beautiful Christmassy shopping and lights and celebration.  I just hope I can keep in mind that it will be a happier day still if I don't feel over stuffed.  At least I'm going to do my darndest to get to the restaraunt BEFORE we go to the movie--so I don't have BOTH a ridiculous meal AND movie popcorn.  

Looking forward to the start up!

Today is 1900.  I'm glad I only ate 1/2 the Costa Vida order the other day--that has 1000 cal all by itself.  I have some mixed feelings about the upcoming week. Part of me is really glad to be counting today--it feels good to be in control even though the kitchen here is still full of yummy things from yesterday's potluck. Next week is Christmas. I'm not going to draw slips tonight. All days next week will be "not counting but in control" except for Christmas Eve and Day which will be free.  New Year's Eve will also be free.  part of me is excited about all the good food, but the other part of me is really happy to be starting up my plan again in the New Year with many less temptations and distractions (other than the bleak boredom of Jan and Feb which is also a challenge). That's exciting that I feel that way--usually, I'm only too happy to run away from any eating plan.

Bonus for the today and yesterday--exercise is back, in the form of snow-walking. Faster and easier for me to walk to work today rather than to chop through the ice in the driveway. But it wasn't easy walking. I'm tired. It was a good core exercise.