181 Stuck on low

Another Friday weigh in---still at 187--both thrilling and annoying. Thrilling, because it's the new low--and annoying because I got here last week, had the bleeping STOMACH FLU and am STILL sitting at this weight on the last Friday in Sept. so I will not meet the insurance goal according to the doctor's scales here.  Oh well. The important thing is that I met the goal according to my home scale. I'll see what PEHP has to say, but I'm thinking the next goal for the end of Nov will be an exciting 181.  WOW. 

Yesterday was quite fun in that I just felt so light and comfortable in my body. It's just fun to move in a lighter body. My legs feel longer, and bending over feels different and better. Everyone always talks about how they "feel so much better and more energetic" when they lose weight.  I don't know about energetic, but for me the "feeling better" part is quite literal. I don't catch as many colds when I'm eating right and I like the feeling of every position and movement being more comfortable than the last. It makes me excited for the future.

The future also hold good things food-wise. I plugged my stats into a new kind of online calculator and it estimated that to maintain a goal weight of 155 I would need to eat about 2,100 cal a day. That sounds fairly liveable. Also, I've really got to wonder how rigid a person needs to be? I've been reading a picture book (have I mentioned this?) Around the World in 80 diets and it shows what 80 different kinds of people have eaten on one particular day in their lives. The book goes from 800 cal of a Masai woman to 12,000 cal of the English binge eater. Most people are between 2,000 and 4,000 a day. But here's the thing--their weights don't seem to particuarly correspond to their food intake!!! Sure, some have high intake, but also high energy jobs, but there is a Chinese girl who weighs 106 who lives on KFC chicken. The book does say whether or not the picture shown is representative of their lifestyle and usually it pretty much is. Anyway, the point is that I very much hope that so long as I don't go out of my way to do a long string of stupid things once I hit goal weight ie: eat big meals out 5 times a week, that I too can eat like a normal human being. To me that means that I'm not counting points or calories, but that I have a natural range of intake that might flux up or down according to the day, but that overall keeps me where I need to be.

I don't plan on hitting goal weight and immediatley trying to jump into that kind of a lifestyle. When I gave up diet Coke it took a full three years before caffiene free diet coke gave me the same kind of satisfaction. My food addictions are much more pervasive and severe--I don't know how long it will be before living at 155 will feel as satisfying as living at 220.  Probably more than 3 years, but I have hope that if I persist that someday I'll not only reach goal weight, but live it while eating pretty much anything and everything I feel like eating, because what I feel like will have changed.

180 Plain Vanilla Overweight

Hey!!  According to Caloriecount.com I'm finally just plain vanilla overweight--no longer Obese (hate that word!).  My BMI is probably right around 29---still high, but not obese. The calorie count website gets a big thumbs up from me. I find it MUCH more motivating than the ww site. They always have stories from real people and those people have had success in lots of different ways--not just counting calories. I like seeing the variety---some are very strict, others not, some had a lot to lose some not so much. Real people also submit real questions and get real responses, I often find these helpful. Something from calorie count arrives in my inbox daily and I read it almost as faithfully as Sean's blog. Today's topic was on comfort food and emotional eating. I love what the expert had to say:

Before you crack open the Ben & Jerry’s, though, do what Dr. May calls the "Four-Really Test": Ask yourself if you really, really, really, really want it. "Reach for something you don’t really want, and you’re likely to eat more of it because it isn’t satisfying," she says.

That’s the danger of answering a craving with a lighter version of what you want or with something else altogether. Not only does it defeat the purpose of giving yourself a gooey treat, but it sets you up for a pig-out. "If I’m not hungry, but I need a little pleasure in my life, isn’t it ridiculous to eat a rice cake?" Dr. May asks. "Not only do I not need that fuel, but it’s not even going to give me the pleasure."
BRAVO!!!!  I figured out long ago that I can never really "substitute" food.  I can and do eat things like rice cakes and apples and light versions of things but it's always with the idea that I'm enjoying what I'm eating for what it is--never that I'm trying to be satisfied with jello when I really want chocolate cake.

Speaking of which---I'm debating on whether to try another Snickers bar today. I have the points.  Hmmmmm.

179 Still better

Okay, better and better and my stats homework is almost done! My only complaint is that after FASTING on Monday and eating lightly yesterday, I was still 187 this morning.  But really, I'm not complaining much--I'm still just so delighted to see anything in the 180's, let alone 187 that I'm thrilled. Now, how to get the doctor's scales here to register that for the insurance?.... Those scales will still say 191 and the nurse will subtract 2 lbs for clothes.  Oh well.  Might be just as well to reset the insurance weights. My own personal goal will be 181 (woweee!) by the end of November. Obviously, Thanksgiving is the famous challenge there, but I don't think Thanksgiving will be nearly as deadly to me as next weeks conference in Denver. I'll be in Denver Sunday through Wednesday--Four straight days of eating out for every meal. And do I want to be reasonable?  I do NOT. Denver has OLD CHICAGO--one of my all time favorite restaurants--the spinach and artichoke dip is to die for. The appetizer platter which has buffalo wings, the dip and cheese sticks is my definition of heaven. This trip is coming up fast--I need to think of how I'm going to get through it without putting on a bunch of weight. Lots of sitting lots of food. Maybe I can make my mind up to have one big blow out at Old Chicago and then eat lightly the rest of the trip? I'll have good examples all around me and I can try to just mimic what they do. The only problem with that plan is if other restaurants are equally as tempting. It's still hard for me to be reasonable in the face of "rare" food. Even though I grew up only 5 hours from Denver, I've never been--and big cities are famously loaded with great food. HOWEVER, I live only 1 hour from SLC and SLC has loads and loads of great food too. I'll be there really isn't too much in Denver that I couldn't also get in SLC if I really wanted to. I think I'll make a point to telling Maria, Jennifer and Margarita this and make it their job to remind me fo this fact---I probably need the reminder on an hourly basis. The other problem I fear, might be boredom. Boredom always makes me want to eat and sitting for hours and hours listening to speakers---hopefully they'll be interesting, but there are no guarantees.

178 Better

 Much better today--so far at least. That's been the weird thing about this virus--bouncing between horrible to perfect.  It's like the food won't go past a certain point and get to my stomach--but not all the time.  Anyway, I slept like a rock and am at work today.  It's kind of nice not to worry about points or food or anything. I'm still not hungry, but I do need some energy, so I had a small bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. I brought some simple things for lunch.  I suspect that I will eat them--like I said yesterday the compulsion to eat is great, and today I feel okay and I don't have to worry about calories. Still the memory of Sunday night is fresh enough that I'm not inclined to push it. Light and simple is FINE for today. I wish light eating would sound attractive when I'm not sick.

177 Sick

Last night's dinner---big mistake.  I woke up feeling absolutely horrible. Finally threw up--heavy scary looking stuff and didn't feel any better--more like throwing up had strained everything in my insides. Didn't really start feeling better until morning when I discovered that sitting up was better than lying down--so I fell asleep propped up on the couch.  I went to the doctor--it's probably nothing--if it's not better pretty soon they'll send down a scope, but all the lab work was normal so I doubt it'll get to that point.  I'm just glad I decided to take the day off! There's no way I would have made it at work.  Counting points today is easy.  ZERO. I've had a few sips of water and two small bowls of jello.

Pure addictive feelings though.  I wanted to eat. There's no way I could have, but I still wanted to even though I was sick.

176 stats

Yesterday's long walk went great--though I still think I'm fighting this weird virus.  The body is funny--last week's 90 min walk really tired my legs out. Yesterday was 2 21/2 hours and I'm just fine. It's as though my legs were reminded--"oh yeah, walk--we do that."  Food and time wise were both weird yesterday. Yesterday and this whole next week I fear, will be overshadowed by statistics. I have a test coming up, which would be fine, except that I'm going to Denver for a conference during the days immediately before the test when I would normally be studying for it. I'm going to miss the class review, and I'll have to have my homework in early. Catherine will come home next weekend so that wipes out next Saturday's study plans too. Still, I should be fine, provided that I work hard. The concepts aren't difficult, it's just so darn easy to make a mistake. Anyway--time yesterday just raced away--I got up and was out the door by 9 for my long walk--gorgeous autumn day for it. I reviewed some stats, then went to the library to pick up a hold, and downtown to the street vendors for tacos.  THEY WEREN'T THERE! There's construction in the area. I had no backup plans for lunch. And I really wasn't hungry, but I'd only had/wanted 1 pumpkin muffin during my walk and I figured I needed something.  The Greek Festival was going on, but they always have huge lines. Using true addictive convoluted thinking I reasoned that I should get greek food from the mall because I probably wouldn't want any dinner and so the points would sort of be ok.  Turned out to be true.  I ate my fully loaded gyro plate---meat, salad, pita bread, fries with extra white sauce while studying.  Vacummed, studied some more, took a nap, went to Women's conference, did some late night shopping and called it a day. 

Today will be more normal point-wise, but still way overbalanced with almost all points coming tonight. I'll have one pancake for b-fast with fruit.  A blt for lunch, and a big fajita dinner with guac and chips and black beans and for dessert 1/2 cup of mint ice-cream (new receipe from the new dieter's cookbook) and a new ww dish--apple pie wontons.  Sounds yummy.  It feels so good to be in the 180's.

174 GOAL!!

Hey!! Official weigh day today and I hit goal weight 187!! WOW!!  I really didn't think I'd see it this month.  Irritatingly, the people here at the health center where I weigh in, haven't yet seen it either.  Their scales weighs 4 pounds heavier than my home scale (even though I didn't eat or drink anything before I came up). They're willing to take off a pound or two for clothes and last month I flat out bullied the nurse into taking off 3, but I didn't feel good about it. So, the insurance may or may not acknowledge by way of paying for ww. But I almost don't care.  187--and not entirely due to stomach problems either. I never did get to feeling great yesterday, but I felt good enough to eat everything on my list. I DO like the flexibility of ww.

Me and Jennifer were talking--last night Jennifer had grilled fish, veggies and a peach. Does that just scream diet or what? I much prefer my sort of meals--bacon, omelete, watermelon, toast.  I think even at goal I will still like the same sorts of things and at 155 I shouldn't have to feel confined to a dreary regimen of boiled chicken and veggies.

One thing has been changing very slowly--the amount of bread. Mostly, as I'm computing points I just haven't been able to fit in two slices of toast or two english muffins. So, I've been having one instead. It's almost like a new thought--last night was a perfect example. I wasn't even hungry but just eating because I enjoy it and I had the points--I automatically assumed 2 slices of toast but that would have put me one point over. The thought that I might be satisfied with one piece--along with the 4 slices bacon etc..feels revolutionary. It's steps in the right direction. And I'm VERY excited about today's weight!!!! I'm going to the gym after work for weights and then having pizza. ---Not an orgies worth, in fact, we're deliberately ordering it at home so we can have big salads with the pizza. Pizza is never going to be a great point choice for me--I want three or four pieces, but that's ok. I'll enjoy it tonight be it one piece or four, but the salad is being eaten for sure. Then we're coming back up to campus for a date---free bowling and a magic show. Tomorrow I have a 2 and a half hour walk for marathon prep.  That ought to burn off a little pizza I think.